A Belgian teenager says she will sue a tattoo parlour which she said covered half her face with stars while she was asleep.

Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, was left sporting 56 black stars of various sizes on the left side of her face, from nose to ear and brow to chin.

The young housewife said she had gone to the tattoo parlour in the western town of Courtrai and asked for three small stars on her face.

“I wanted him to tattoo on just three little points but he suggested three stars saying it would look prettier,” Vlaeminck told local press.

“When he started the tattooing I didn’t want to feel the pain and so I went to sleep. I had got up at five in the morning,” she said.

Kimberly thinks she must have dozed off as her face was being injected with ink contained in a huge vibrating needle held by a foreigner.

“I woke up when he was starting to tattoo my nose and I saw what he had already done. I counted 56 stars, it’s frightening,” she told the Flemish daily Het Laatste Nieuws.

The young woman, who said she doesn’t dare walk down the street, has decided to sue the tattoo parlour.

She said she also hoped to have her starry appearance reversed by laser treatment, which would cost thousands of euros.

Tattoo artist Rouslan Toumaniantz denied that his client had fallen asleep. But still agreed to pay for the laser treatment.

“She was awake the whole time, I don’t use hypnosis or drugs. She agreed to it. The problems started when her father and his friend saw the tattoos,” he told the paper.

If its any CONSTELLATION (ha ha) it doesn’t look too bad. I can predicts she will be seeing stars for years to come…

Posted: June 22nd, 2009 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Laugh Your Ass Off, Must See Shit, What Grinds My Gears
With Tags: 56 stars, belgium, douchebags, funny, Kimberley Vlaeminck, Rouslan Toumaniantz, stupid, stupidity, tasteless, tattoo
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IT’S A BIRD! IT’S A PLANE! It’s JibJab’s very first satire of President Barack Obama (and he’s come to save the day)! JibJab done it again, they transformed Obama into a super-hero. Sweet.

Posted: June 21st, 2009 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Laugh Your Ass Off, Must See Shit
With Tags: barack obama, funny, jibjab, obama, parody, president, super-hero
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Triumph Lingerie in Japan, are finally making eco-friendly underwear. Apparently their new solar powered bra is a must for the energy-saving female. The only problem is that clothes can’t be worn over it. Wait… is that a problem? Other kooky designs include the ‘husband hunting bra’ and the one which is decorated with fake food and has a pouch to carry your chopsticks in.

Posted: June 20th, 2009 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Internet is 4 Porn, Must See Shit, Those Sick Japaneses
With Tags: commercial, fetish, funny, girls, japaneses, sexy girl, shopping, stupid, tasteless
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What exactly is Khan Noonien Singh doing in Hustler’s new Star Trek porn movie? And what role does Sasha Grey play? We talked to screenwriter Roger Krypton.

It sounds as though This Ain’t Star Trek XXX will follow the storyline of “Space Seed,” the classic episode which introduced Ricardo Montalban’s Khan. At least somewhat. (Since there have already been porno recreations of “Charley X,” “The Man Trap” and “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” this isn’t quite so surprising.)

The Enterprise finds a ship that’s been floating in space for 200 years, and on board is Khan, in suspended animation. But with him are two sexy alien women — for obvious reasons. And judging from the photo up top, Lieutenant Marla McGivers plays a big role in the story as well, as the woman whom Khan tries to seduce. Khan, coming from an earlier time, is more barbaric, more macho and more “bare-chested” than the civilized Kirk, and he decides to try and take over the Enterprise.

And this is where the story diverges from “Space Seed” considerably.

According to Krypton, “Khan’s method of trying to take over the ship leads to the crewmembers having to engage in sexual situations against their will.” He wouldn’t go into details about this, but check out this work-safe clip of something weird happening to Kirk’s eyes:

Perhaps as a result of Khan’s machinations, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy is forced to have sex with Nurse Christine Chapel, or they’ll both die. “They have a reason where they pretty much have to have sex, it’s a life or death situation,” explains Krypton. (Sadly, Spock doesn’t hook up with Chapel, despite all of the longing glances she gave him throughout the series.) And the film climaxes (so to speak) with a threesome on the Bridge of the Enterprise, between Kirk, Spock and Uhura. Take that, “Plato’s Stepchildren!”

Krypton, obviously a huge Trek nerd, insists that even though Hustler’s porn spoof is over the top and silly, it respects the original show, and tries to convey how these characters would really act in this situation. After all, the original show was quite campy at times, so it’s not that much of a leap. But the movie goes to some lengths to be true to the characters and their history, says Krypton.

There are no green women in the movie, because “putting someone in full body paint is a nightmare in a adult porn video,” says Krypton. It’s almost impossible to avoid having the body paint rub off on the other actor during a sex scene, and there are certain body parts that people might not want to paint green. Hustler did have a green woman in its Munsters porno spoof, and they solved the problem of paint rubbing off on the costar by color-correcting the image afterwards. (The color-correction gave the scene a cartoony look, which worked better for the Munsters than for Star Trek.)

But as we mentioned, there will be two alien babes. One, played by Jenna Hayes, is human-looking apart from her slinky Barbarella-esque outfit. The other is a Vulcan, played by Steven Soderbergh actress Sasha Grey. Grey’s character is struck with a “rare form” of Pon Farr, the Vulcan mating drive, and has to have sex with Captain Kirk in the Transporter Room — she just has to. And for Kirk, this is an opportunity to work out his issues with Vulcans after years of being frustrated with Mr. Spock. He can finally have sex with a Vulcan, but he finds that his frustrations with Vulcan logic persist even during their hookup.

Oh, and Mr. Spock doesn’t have green sperm in this film, unlike in some of the other porn films.

But the answer to the question you’re most anxiously asking — does Kirk look up and scream “Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” during this film — is yes. He does. And Khan also yells “Kiiiiiiiiirk!” back. By the way, Evan Stone, who plays Kirk, doesn’t consciously do a William Shatner impression. But Stone, according to Krypton, already sounds like Shatner most of the time. He has a “cadence and a dramatic flair” that are quite Shatner-esque. He may ramp it up a bit for this film, but he doesn’t need much to seem Shatnerian.

Krypton is very proud of the high production values in this Trek spoof, which he says stand “head and shoulders” above what’s been done before. (You can see for yourself, with the pics and clip above.) Hustler spent a lot of money on the sets and costumes, trying to make it look as cool as possible, as well as “colorful and fun.” Find out more at Hustler World.

Posted: June 1st, 2009 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Fake, Fucking Tastic Stories, Internet is 4 Porn, Must See Shit, NSFW - Not Safe For Work
With Tags: adult, adult movie, alien, babes, cum, fuck, fucking, girls, hustler, movie, parody, porn, porn star, porno, pornstar, sex, sexy, space, spoof, star trek, star trek porn, star trek xxx, xxx, xxx spoof
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Obviously this video is solid enough what with all the giant condoms being blown up to help the fans sing some chant song. But it’s that the guy filming this this is American.

You keep hearing him say “wonderful” towards the end. I assume his love for the Japanese mirrors mine. Only this guy is well ahead of me because he actually made the trip there.

Tell you what readers, if you each send me a buck and fund my trip, I will go on Japan and make 10 amazing videos to post on this site.

Deal?

Posted: May 18th, 2009 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Must See Shit, Those Sick Japaneses
With Tags: condom, condoms, funny, japan, japaneses
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