The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.

Their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine is the biggest yet, involving 1,800 women, and it found no proof.

The King’s College London team believe the G-spot may be a figment of women’s imagination, encouraged by magazines and sex therapists.

But sexologist Beverley Whipple, who helped popularise the G-spot idea, said the work was “flawed”.

She said the researchers had discounted the experiences of lesbian or bisexual women and failed to consider the effects of having different sexual partners with different love-making techniques.

The women in the study, who were all pairs of identical and non-identical twins, were asked whether they had a G-spot.

If one did exist, it would be expected that both identical twins, who have the same genes, would report having one.

But this pattern did not emerge and the identical twins were no more likely to have a G-spot than non-identical twins who share only half of their genes.

Mythical

Co-author of the study Professor Tim Spector said: “Women may argue that having a G-spot is due to diet or exercise, but in fact it is virtually impossible to find real traits.

“This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective.”

Colleague Andrea Burri was concerned that women who feared they lacked a G-spot might feel inadequate, which she says is unnecessary.

“It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women and men too.”

Dr Petra Boynton, a sexual psychologist at University College London, said: “It’s fine to go looking for the G-spot but do not worry if you don’t find it.

“It should not be the only focus. Everyone is different.”

The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, was named in honour of the German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg who described it over 50 years ago. It is said to sit in the front wall of the vagina some 2-5cm up.

Recently Italian scientists claimed they could locate the G-spot using ultrasound scans.

They said they had found an area of thicker tissue among the women reporting orgasms.

But specialists warned there could be other reasons for this difference.

This is the uncensored copy of the video of a skydiving sex stunt performed by Alex Torres (Voodoo), which was originally posted on the blog of pornstar and part-time skydiving instructor Alex Torres, shows him and a woman having sex as they freefall over Kern County, California.

The video have been taken down from his blog but as always I found you a copy. It’s not a great sex video in fact it’s not really explicit at all. I will say PG 13 because you can see tits that is pretty much it, no genitals shown.

This is an obvious viral video attempt to promote the skydiving school. He want to end up on Howard Stern and probably will.

The 25-year-old has now ballooned in weight to 223kg (490 pounds) after eating enough ice-cream, cakes and pizzas to reach the height of sexual pleasure.

She suffers from a medical condition called persistent genital arousal syndrome, where orgasms are triggered without direct sexual arousal.

In extreme cases, sufferers of the condition experience 300 orgasms a day.

She first noticed something unusual was happening as she tucked into a tub of ice-cream.

‘My friends thought I was making it up,’ said Miss Jones, of Colorado, ‘I was stunned but in no doubt of what had happened.’

She has put on 95kg (210 pounds) in the past five years as she gorged and climaxed.

She decided to profit from her affliction by setting up a fetish website where punters pay to watch her scoff herself to orgasm.

This is the 5th scene from James Gunn’s PG Porn series.

A very special Peanus Christmas with Michael Rosenbaum as Charlie Brown and Belladonna (yummy) as Lucy Van Pelt

Police have arrested two women at a British airport after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight.

Police said the women were detained at Liverpool’s John Lennon airport “on suspicion of failing to give notification of death” of a 91-year-old man.

The BBC and other British media reported that the women placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin.

The women, aged 41 and 66, were detained and have been released on bail. They have not been charged and police say inquiries are continuing.

Jon and Nadya Plus 22? Octomom Nadya Suleman has a crush on Jon Gosselin: ‘I think he’s hot!’

The gossip apocalypse is upon us.

Octomom Nadya Suleman has the hots for stray-at-home dad Jon Gosselin.

“I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin,” Suleman, 33, gushed to RadarOnline.com. “I think he’s hot!”

Though she is smitten with the octodad, the single mother of 14 says his estranged wife, Kate, has nothing to worry about.

“I don’t think any single mother of any amount of kids should start dating,” Suleman said, adding that she will give in on her no-dating rule “when the kids are older.”

Suleman, never shy about publicity, also voiced support for Kate in her very messy and public divorce.

“I feel for her. I wish everyone would leave her alone,” she said, admitting she’s never seen a full episode of their on-hiatus TLC show. “I’m sure she trusts herself and trusts that she’s strong enough to handle it.”

Suleman’s sudden sympathy for the fellow octomom is a far cry from the harsh words she snipped about her in June.

“Don’t you have, like, a lot of issues in your life?” she sneered to RadarOnline.com. “Why are you so desperate to glob on to my life? For attention?”

While Kate will return to reality TV solo with “Kate Plus 8,” Suleman swatted away rumors that she will be getting her own show.

“I already made up my mind a long time ago,” she said. “I think it’s exploitative. I don’t care what the dollar amount would be. It’s not worth it. It’s not healthy for the kids.”

Falcon Heene the ballon “puke” boy is for me the hoax of the year. The kid was sick of lying live on national tv and utimatly got his mom and dad in jail. I wonder what’s his getting for christmas.

Susan Boyle was this year sunshine, first time I saw this clip it gaves me goose bumps. Here it is in case you have been on mars for the past 8 months.

FIA President Max Mosley has been caught on film allegedly taking part in what UK tabloid News of the World has characterized as a “Nazi orgy.” Although we initially thought it was the world’s zaniest April Fool’s joke, we were wrong. Sick and wrong. During the five-hour video, which the tabloid also has in possession (and which we have had a quick clip from up top*) Mosley appears to be both dominated and submitting to the five hookers, who NOTW alleges were dressed both as Nazis and concentration camp prisoners. The 67-year-old, who has been married for 48 years, was at one point whipped so hard that the orgy had to be halted while a bandage was applied to stop his bleeding.

The orgy characterized by NOTW as having a “Nazi theme” took place on Friday at a $4 million apartment-cum-dungeon near Mosley’s home in London’s upscale Chelsea neighborhood.

As President of FIA, Mosley is responsible for overseeing international motor sports, including Formula One. He enjoys a close relationship with F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone.

Mosley’s father Oswald was a notorious fascist and Hitler supporter. Max has been controversially linked to his father’s beliefs.

Kicking off the orgy by playing a detainee, Mosley had both his genitals and head inspected for lice, in a way reminiscent to portrayals of incoming concentration camp detainees, before lying to the hookers to purposefully bring about a severe beating. After the session ended, the girls enjoyed a glass of wine. Mosley was offered one as well, but turned it down in favor of a cup of tea. It’s not known what ramifications this will have on Mosley’s career or the sport he governs. [Via News Of The World]

UPDATE:Mosley got to keep his job despite acknowledging he participated in an encounter with sex workers in a basement apartment in London. On top of that, Mosley also headed to the UK courts to claim characterizations of Nazi overtones by NOTW were completely invalid, and even if they were valid, it was done in the privacy of someone else’s home.

UK High Court judge David Eady apparently agreed on both of those counts. In a ruling hailed by the former Archbishop of Canterbury as a ‘dangerous precedent’ undermining public morality, the News of the World must now pay Mosley $120,000 in damages, plus legal costs of an estimated $1.7 million, for making the claim.

This is something I have been saying for years, sports fans are the same type of peoples as the sci-fi geeks.

Susan Finkelstein

What Would You Do to See Your Favorite Sports Team Play for the Championship?

Susan Finkelstein wanted to see her favorite baseball team, the Philadelphia Phillies, play in the World Series. In fact, Susan Finkelstein wanted to see them so badly, she took out an ad in Craigslist for tickets. When an undercover police officer found out exactly what Susan Finkelstein would do to get Philadelphia Phillies World Series tickets, they arrested the 43-year-old fan.

Susan Finkelstein described herself as a “gorgeous, tall, buxom blonde diehard Phillies fan” in her Craigslist ad. She also said she was the “creative type” and that she was desperate for tickets. She said, “Maybe we can help each other!” The price, she said, was negotiable.

An undercover police officer answered the ad. Susan Finkelstein then offered to perform various sex acts in exchange for tickets to the World Series. Police, according to Crimesider, did not elaborate on what kind of sexual acts Finkelstein was willing to perform to get those tickets.

Instead of tickets, Susan Finkelstein was arrested and charged with prostitution and related offenses.

Offering sex for various services isn’t a new medium of exchange. It has been used for various transactions for centuries. Craigslist and other websites, including social networking sites, have simply provided another communication conduit with which to advertise.

Doggy Style with Susan?

Finkelstein’s lawyer has said police have blown the situation out of proportion.

“All she was looking to do was take her husband to a World Series game,” he told the Burlington County Times. “I guess she was going to work out what the terms for the tickets were… It was a variation of ‘will work for food.’ It doesn’t mean she was a prostitute.’”

CNN reported in August that a young college student had traded sex in order to have someone guide her into the Amazon rainforest. A University of Michigan study of undergraduates, ages 17 – 26,found that 27% of men and 14% of women had offered favors or gifts (“help prepping for a test, laundry washing, tickets to a college football game”) in exchange for sex. The study also found that 5% men and 9% women had offered sex for services or products.

I uncovered an unbelievable amount of information concerning the future of mankind and threat to our current way of life. According to the information I found, in the next few years we will see Earth changes that will be devastating to all living creatures on the planet.

The sun, earth, and milky way will align at the galactic equator, on December 21, 2012, the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, and the end of the Mayan calendar. This only happens every 25,800 years! For the first time in recorded history, our entire solar system will move BELOW the milky way galaxy. These combined cosmic events, will be the end of the world as we know it. About 6 billion people of the world will perish in just a few short years when this cosmic catastrophe occurs.

I know you will have to do some more investigations yourself, to see if there is any truth to what I am writing here. You may, or may not, believe it EVEN after you uncover the massive amount of scientific, astronomical, and historical proof, that we are in the of the end of days leading to 2012.

Look at this video to know what will happen and how to prepare.

Lin Zongxiu, from the southwestern province of Sichuan, heard in 2008 that soup made with a man’s head could help cure her daughter who had suffered from psychiatric problems for years, the Chengdu Commercial newspaper reported.

Lin and her husband decided to enlist the help of a man in December who knocked unconscious a drunk 76-year-old passer-by before beheading him, the paper claimed.

The couple then gave their 25-year-old daughter soup made from the man’s head, and duck.

A local court sentenced the murderer to death with a two-year reprieve on Monday, and Lin was convicted of helping to destroy evidence that included the culprit’s bloody clothes and shoes, the paper said.

The murderer’s reprieve means that his sentence will likely be commuted to life in prison as long as he commits no further offences in the next two years.

We can’t stop the progress, another mystery solved by technology. Infrared camera from an airport now allows us to see for the first time the smelly invisible gas. We knew it was there, we could smell, we could light it, but never before it have been seen! Behold the FART.

Those purchasing a vehicle at Max Motors in Butler Missouri will receive an AK-47 assault rifle with their purchase during the month of August.

This is the second consecutive year the dealership has given away vouchers for a firearm as part of a sales promotion.

The logo at Mark Muller’s dealership is a nod to his feelings about guns – with an old west caricature pointing two pistols at those who pass by. He said it’s a nod to what he calls “big city” ways.

“We really are different than the big city dealers,” Muller said.

The actual promotion gives those who buy a vehicle a voucher redeemable at a gun shop for the $450 dollars it costs to get an AK-47.

“That way it separates you from anything bad that could happen,” Muller said. “We’ll put it in the hands of professionals who do this every day.”

The AK-47 ups the ante on a promotion Muller did last year, giving away vouchers for the price of the Caltec pistol. Muller proudly shows off the same pistol he carries in his pocket.

“We already did handguns,” Muller said. “Let’s do something more fun — AKs. You ever shot an AK? Oh, they’re a blast.”

Muller said he knows people are bound to be bothered by the promotion, even in his small city locale, people like Gabe Johnston.

“I would not encourage people to get an AK-47,” Gabe Johnston, of Jasper, Mo., said. “I’m fine with a rifle. But maybe not assault rifles … I don’t see the purpose of those guns.”

Muller said the purpose of any gun is protection — and at Max Motors, selling cars. “We get a lot of press out of these kind of promotion,” Muller said. “We sell a lot of cars. And we have a lot of fun.”

Muller says last year’s promotion, which also offered the option of $250 gas cards, sold 35 more cars than usual.

This year’s promotion is guns only, though Muller said customers can spend the voucher on a less expensive model, like a hunting rifle, or towards a more expensive one, like an AR-15 if they wanted to buy American.

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach to punish him for a lover’s quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.

Now it’s the women who face punishment, perhaps six years in prison, and at least one said Monday she’s embarrassed now.

Wendy L. Sewell

“I am disturbed. I am upset. I am having a hard time handling life, an emotional wreck,” Wendy Sewell, 43, of Kaukauna, said in a telephone interview from her home. “I am ashamed.”

Sewell, Therese Ziemann, 48, of Menasha, Michelle Belliveau, 43, of Neenah, and the man’s wife are charged with being party to false imprisonment, a felony. Ziemann also is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault.

The women are free on $200 cash bail each. Investigators say all the women but Belliveau were romantically involved with the man.

The Associated Press is not naming the man’s wife to protect his identity as an alleged victim of sexual assault.

Online court records didn’t list defense attorneys for any of the women Monday.

The women’s plot for revenge unfolded last Thursday at the Lakeview Motel about 39 kilometers southwest of Green Bay in the tiny village of Stockbridge near the scenic shores of Lake Winnebago.

Criminal complaints filed Friday allege the man agreed to be bound with “sheer sheets” and blindfolded with a pillowcase for a “rub down” by Ziemann. She instead cut off his underwear with a scissors and summoned the others to the room.

Therese Ziemann

Ziemann told investigators she didn’t have a gun but may have told the victim, “Do you know how much I want to shoot you?”

He started screaming and the women rushed off fearful that he could get loose and hurt them but allegedly took his wallet, vehicle and cell phone.

Ziemann told investigators she met the man online through Craigslist, fell in love and paid for a room at the motel for the past two months. She said she gave him about $3,000. Then last Wednesday, she learned from the man’s wife that he was married, had other girlfriends and was “using them for money.” She expected the money to be repaid, according to the documents.

During Thursday’s confrontation with the man, Ziemann told investigators that Sewell asked him, “Which one do you love more?” and the man’s wife made a derisive remark about him being scared.

Michelle Belliveau

Ziemann and Belliveau are sisters and Belliveau didn’t do anything wrong, Sewell said Monday.

“She was just there for moral support. She wasn’t even dating the guy. She stood at the door the whole time and didn’t participate or nothing.”

Ziemann’s husband answered the telephone at their home and declined comment. There was no telephone listing for Belliveau.

The man had no telephone listing in Fond du Lac.

Farmers in an eastern Indian state have asked their unmarried daughters to plow parched fields naked in a bid to embarrass the weather gods to bring some badly needed monsoon rain, officials said on Thursday.

Witnesses said the naked girls in Bihar state plowed the fields and chanted ancient hymns after sunset to invoke the gods. They said elderly village women helped the girls drag the plows.

“They (villagers) believe their acts would get the weather gods badly embarrassed, who in turn would ensure bumper crops by sending rains,” Upendra Kumar, a village council official, said from Bihar’s remote Banke Bazaar town.

“This is the most trusted social custom in the area and the villagers have vowed to continue this practice until it rains very heavily.”

Girl with 56 stars tattooed on face admits she asked for them.

A teenage girl who claimed 56 stars were tattooed on her on her face as she slept when she asked for three has admitted she was awake the whole time – and lied because her father was “furious”.

Kimberley Vlaminck had insisted she dozed off after asking the tattooist for just three small stars – then woke in horror to find her face was covered.

The Belgian blamed the Flemish-speaking tattooist for not being able to understand her French and English instructions.

Girl has 56 stars tattooed on face after ‘falling asleep’ Amid a frenzy of media attention, she then said she would sue the tattoo artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, for the £9,000 she needed for laser surgery to have them removed.

She said after the tattooing last week: “It is terrible for me. I cannot go out on to the street. I look like a freak.”

But the 18-year-old has finally confessed she did not fall asleep, that she wanted all the stars and was “fully aware” of what Mr Toumaniantz was doing.

Ms Vlaminck told a Dutch TV crew: “I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them. But when my father saw them, he was furious. So I said I fell asleep and the that the tattooist made a mistake.”

Mr Toumaniantz – himself covered from head to foot in tattoos and piercings – had consistently denied he had made a mistake and always insisted Vlaminck wanted all 56 stars.

He said at the time: “I maintain that she absolutely agreed that I tattoo those 56 stars on the left side of her face.”

But despite insisting she had asked for 56 stars, he still initially agreed to pay for half of the treatment to remove the tattoos.

“Kimberley is unhappy and it is not my wish to have an unsatisfied client,” he said.

“I don’t regret it. To tell you the truth, this has given me some publicity.” Mr Toumanaintz is now said to have withdrawn his cash offer and said from now on he will get written consent from clients before he begins tattooing.

As for Ms Vlaminck she could always go work for STARbuck!

A Belgian teenager says she will sue a tattoo parlour which she said covered half her face with stars while she was asleep.

Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, was left sporting 56 black stars of various sizes on the left side of her face, from nose to ear and brow to chin.

The young housewife said she had gone to the tattoo parlour in the western town of Courtrai and asked for three small stars on her face.

“I wanted him to tattoo on just three little points but he suggested three stars saying it would look prettier,” Vlaeminck told local press.

“When he started the tattooing I didn’t want to feel the pain and so I went to sleep. I had got up at five in the morning,” she said.

Kimberly thinks she must have dozed off as her face was being injected with ink contained in a huge vibrating needle held by a foreigner.

“I woke up when he was starting to tattoo my nose and I saw what he had already done. I counted 56 stars, it’s frightening,” she told the Flemish daily Het Laatste Nieuws.

The young woman, who said she doesn’t dare walk down the street, has decided to sue the tattoo parlour.

She said she also hoped to have her starry appearance reversed by laser treatment, which would cost thousands of euros.

Tattoo artist Rouslan Toumaniantz denied that his client had fallen asleep. But still agreed to pay for the laser treatment.

“She was awake the whole time, I don’t use hypnosis or drugs. She agreed to it. The problems started when her father and his friend saw the tattoos,” he told the paper.

If its any CONSTELLATION (ha ha) it doesn’t look too bad. I can predicts she will be seeing stars for years to come…

What exactly is Khan Noonien Singh doing in Hustler’s new Star Trek porn movie? And what role does Sasha Grey play? We talked to screenwriter Roger Krypton.

It sounds as though This Ain’t Star Trek XXX will follow the storyline of “Space Seed,” the classic episode which introduced Ricardo Montalban’s Khan. At least somewhat. (Since there have already been porno recreations of “Charley X,” “The Man Trap” and “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” this isn’t quite so surprising.)

The Enterprise finds a ship that’s been floating in space for 200 years, and on board is Khan, in suspended animation. But with him are two sexy alien women — for obvious reasons. And judging from the photo up top, Lieutenant Marla McGivers plays a big role in the story as well, as the woman whom Khan tries to seduce. Khan, coming from an earlier time, is more barbaric, more macho and more “bare-chested” than the civilized Kirk, and he decides to try and take over the Enterprise.

And this is where the story diverges from “Space Seed” considerably.

According to Krypton, “Khan’s method of trying to take over the ship leads to the crewmembers having to engage in sexual situations against their will.” He wouldn’t go into details about this, but check out this work-safe clip of something weird happening to Kirk’s eyes:

Perhaps as a result of Khan’s machinations, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy is forced to have sex with Nurse Christine Chapel, or they’ll both die. “They have a reason where they pretty much have to have sex, it’s a life or death situation,” explains Krypton. (Sadly, Spock doesn’t hook up with Chapel, despite all of the longing glances she gave him throughout the series.) And the film climaxes (so to speak) with a threesome on the Bridge of the Enterprise, between Kirk, Spock and Uhura. Take that, “Plato’s Stepchildren!”

Krypton, obviously a huge Trek nerd, insists that even though Hustler’s porn spoof is over the top and silly, it respects the original show, and tries to convey how these characters would really act in this situation. After all, the original show was quite campy at times, so it’s not that much of a leap. But the movie goes to some lengths to be true to the characters and their history, says Krypton.

There are no green women in the movie, because “putting someone in full body paint is a nightmare in a adult porn video,” says Krypton. It’s almost impossible to avoid having the body paint rub off on the other actor during a sex scene, and there are certain body parts that people might not want to paint green. Hustler did have a green woman in its Munsters porno spoof, and they solved the problem of paint rubbing off on the costar by color-correcting the image afterwards. (The color-correction gave the scene a cartoony look, which worked better for the Munsters than for Star Trek.)

But as we mentioned, there will be two alien babes. One, played by Jenna Hayes, is human-looking apart from her slinky Barbarella-esque outfit. The other is a Vulcan, played by Steven Soderbergh actress Sasha Grey. Grey’s character is struck with a “rare form” of Pon Farr, the Vulcan mating drive, and has to have sex with Captain Kirk in the Transporter Room — she just has to. And for Kirk, this is an opportunity to work out his issues with Vulcans after years of being frustrated with Mr. Spock. He can finally have sex with a Vulcan, but he finds that his frustrations with Vulcan logic persist even during their hookup.

Oh, and Mr. Spock doesn’t have green sperm in this film, unlike in some of the other porn films.

But the answer to the question you’re most anxiously asking — does Kirk look up and scream “Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” during this film — is yes. He does. And Khan also yells “Kiiiiiiiiirk!” back. By the way, Evan Stone, who plays Kirk, doesn’t consciously do a William Shatner impression. But Stone, according to Krypton, already sounds like Shatner most of the time. He has a “cadence and a dramatic flair” that are quite Shatner-esque. He may ramp it up a bit for this film, but he doesn’t need much to seem Shatnerian.

Krypton is very proud of the high production values in this Trek spoof, which he says stand “head and shoulders” above what’s been done before. (You can see for yourself, with the pics and clip above.) Hustler spent a lot of money on the sets and costumes, trying to make it look as cool as possible, as well as “colorful and fun.” Find out more at Hustler World.

One Colorado woman’s love for tofu has been judged X-rated by state officials. Kelly Coffman-Lee wanted to tell the world about her fondness for bean curd by picking certain letters for her SUV’s license plate. Her suggestion for the plate: “ILVTOFU.”

But the Division of Motor Vehicles blocked her plan because they thought the combination of letters could be interpreted as profane.

Says Department of Revenue spokesman Mark Couch: “We don’t allow ‘FU’ because some people could read that as street language for sex.”

Officials meet periodically to ensure state plates stay free of letters that abbreviate gang slang, drug terms or obscene phrases.

The 38-year-old Coffman-Lee says tofu is a staple of her family’s diet because they are vegan and that the DMV misinterpreted her message.

This is some of the funniest classified ads ever posted. Too damn funny.

Virgin Galactic has rather churlishly rejected a $1m offer to allow an unnamed company to shoot a zero-grav grumble flick aboard its SpaceShipTwo vehicle – thereby depriving science of crucial research into how humanity might procreate during the very long haul to the nearest Earth-like planet once we’ve finally screwed this ball of dirt we call home.

That is another blow to Sex in space, after NASA Cancels “Sex In Space” Program.

The cash was slapped on the table “up-front, for a sex-in-space movie”, said the company’s prez, Will Whitehorn, According to Space.com. He confirmed: “That was money we had to refuse, I’m afraid.”

The rumpy-pumpy-free Virgin Galactic program is gearing up to take space tourists aloft aboard SpaceShipTwo at $200k a pop, having apparently already snaffled $40m in deposits from 280 customers keen to enjoy the two-hour jaunt to 62 miles (100km).

During the trip, punters will experience around five minutes of weightlessness – just long enough for a quick hump and a money shot, by our reckoning.

The original planned launch date of the service was 2007, although this has been revised to 2010. The first flight of the WhiteKnight Two mothership was recently knocked back to late 2008 at the earliest, while SpaceShipTwo trials begin next year.

Author Pierre Kohler claims in his new book La Dernière Mission : Mir, l’aventure humaine (The Final Mission: Mir) that both Astronauts and Cosmonauts have both taken part in experiments to see if sex is possible in space for future long duration missions.

According to the book, sex is indeed possible and after testing 20 through computer simulations, 10 were selected to test and it was found 3 positions that are possible without any mechanical devices to help out in the cosmic coupling.

Both the US and Russian Space agencies deny the claims vehemently. Either way, I’m sure the claims will sell a lot of books.

A lot of people holding their tickets to space will surely be interested in this book. Even with 5-15mins of weightless time, there will be people attempting ‘the deed’.

How long before we see 2010: A Space Orgy? Only time will tell…

28 years old Hairdresser

A 28 years old hairdresser in Kaluga, Central Russia, locked a robber who tried to steal her money in the basement of the beauty salon. After that, she has brutally raped her hostage for three days. A court in Kaluga has filed criminal charges against both of them, the Russian website Newsru.com reports.

The 32 years’ old robber, who has not been named, burst into the salon armed with shotgun at about 17.00 on March 14. He demanded money. There were two hairdressers and one client in the salon at the time. One of hairdressers, who was studying judo and taekwondo, disabled the robber with a smashing body blow. Then she carried the unlucky robber to the basement and bound him with a hairdryer cord.

The hairdresser told her scared colleague and the client that she would call the police. But she did not. After work, instead of calling the police, she made her hostage undress. The perverted hairdresser forced the hostage to take several Viagra tablets. She chained the unfortunate robber with pink furry wristbands and painfully raped him for the next three days.

32 years old robber

After his release, the exhausted robber filed charges against the perverted woman. The frenulum of his penis was torn as a consequence of rape session.

“That’s ridiculous. We had sex just a couple times. I brought him brand new jeans. I fed him every day and gave him one thousand rubles ($25) before his release,” the hairdresser said.

In response, she filed charges against the robber.

The robber admitted that the hairdresser really did feed him royally.

“I actually don’t know what will happen to them. But it’s a pity that they could not meet in the cell. They would be a great couple,” one of the police officers said.

In Stuttgard, Germany a court judge must decide on a case of honorable intentions in a sitution where a man hired his neighbor to get his wife pregnant.

It seems that Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute wanted to have as child badly, but Demetrius was told by his doctor that he was sterile.

So Soupolos, after calming his wife’s protest agreed to pay his nieghbor Frank Maus, 34 to impregnant his wife. Since Maus was already married and had two childern, plus looked very much like Soupolos to boot, the plan seemed good.

So Soupolos paild Maus $2500 for th job and for 3 evenings a week for the next 6 months, Maus tried desperately, a total of 72 times to impregnant Traute.

When his wife objected he told his wife, ” I don’t like this any more than you, I am simply doing it for the money”.

When Traute failed to get pregnant after the six months, Soupolos was not understanding and insisted that Maus have a medical examination, which he did.

The doctor’s announcement that Maus was also sterile shocked everyone except his wife, who then had to confess that Maus was not the real father of the two childern.

Now Suppolos is sueing Maus for breach of contract, in an effort to get his money back, but Maus refuses to give it back saying he did not guarantee results, only that he would give it his best effort.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Kim Kardashian is taking legal action against Hustler Entertainment for its porn parody Keeping it up for the KardASSians. The XXX spoof is a parody of the Kardashian family’s television reality show and shows the Kardashian family in all sorts of compromising positions.

The whole family appears in the porn parody version and Hustler has done a good job casting adult entertainment stars that resemble the actual Kardashians. Both the show’s graphics and theme music are also similar. There are reports that E! is also considering legal action because the “whistly theme song” in the porno sounds awfully similar to the one in the show.

Kim Kardashian previously took legal action against the distributors of her leaked sex tape, titled Kim Kardashian Superstar, in 2007.

Keeping It Up for the KardASSians

I’ve seen many things in my life in the adult industry but a vibrating pussy is a first. Anyone have her name? Her phone number will do too.

This is the 3rd scene from James Gunn’s PG Porn series.

The Office’s Craig Robinson and Gilmore Girls’ Sean Gunn are looking to give Bree Olson, Marie Luv and some other lucky ladies a ride.

This is the second scene from James Gunn’s PG Porn series.

Sasha Grey’s car is jacked up and James Gunn is the only guy who can help her.

This is the first scene from James Gunn’s PG Porn series.

This construction worker is ready to nail your wife. Starring Nathan Fillion and Aria Giovanni and directed by James Gunn.

A while back, PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, made all the “weird news” columns in the US by suggesting that Ben & Jerry’s should use breast milk, like the kind your mum fed you from her mum tits, instead of cow milk. What crazy nuts! What a shocking idea! WRONG.

It is a FACT that breast milk is healthier for you than cow milk. In case you’re still dubious towards imbibing of le lait de teton, we forced our friend Patrick to do a taste test: Breast-milk cupcakes vs. some regular old cow-milk cupcakes. He was hesitant, but we were like, “Suck it up, wimp!” And we went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that humans are the only mammals who still drink milk as adults? And not even our own, but baby fluid for a whole other species? Did you ever think about the fact that we’ve mutated our own stomachs in order to be able to digest bovine baby fluid, Four-Eyes?” And then Patrick went, “Let’s eat these cupcakes, by Christ!”

After quietly chewing for a few minutes, he whispered, “I… I can’t tell any difference at all.” But we said, “No, you have to choose one.” So he held up the cupcake in his right hand and said, “This one is vaguely tastier.” And guess what, it was the boobcake! Breast milk officially wins! And just in case you’re still dubious, we found and interviewed a BREAST-MILK EXPERT who confirmed what we already know: That we are smarter than you.

US: Hello nutritionist and breast milk specialist Elisabeth Kylberg. Can adults benefit from breast milk like babies do?

Elisabeth Kylberg: I think that adults shouldn’t drink milk at all, whether it’s human or cow milk. It’s food for babies. Cheese and yogurt, on the other hand, are good for us. Still, the longer women breast-feed, the smaller risk they run of getting breast and ovarian cancer. I wouldn’t be surprised if breast milk is one day used as a medicine—it’s been proved to kill cancer without even damaging the afflicted cells.

US: So what’s healthier for us to drink, cow or human milk?

Elisabeth Kylberg: Definitely human milk, but I don’t think there’s a market for it.

US: Is it possible to lactate without actually getting pregnant?

Elisabeth Kylberg: There have been several cases of women who’ve adopted babies and breast-fed them, or grandmothers who breast-fed the baby if the mother passed away. In most cases, they weren’t able to produce the same amount of milk as women who were pregnant, but if you stimulate the breast with a baby sucking on it, for example, it will eventually start producing milk. Even men can start producing milk after heavy breast stimulation, but their milk is not as nutritional.

US: So if we survived a plane crash and were left on a desert island, or in the Andes like in that movie Alive, we could actually survive on our own milk?

Elisabeth Kylberg: Ha ha, for a while maybe.

Any search result from Google started being flagged as malware with a message stating “This site may harm your computer”. Including Google’s own websites as you can see above.

Marissa Mayer has now explained the error on the Official Google Blog. She puts it down to human error after a ‘/’ was mistakenly put in an update sent from the non-profit StopBadware.org to Google (the non-profit also posted more details). The result was every URL in Google’s database being classified as “malware” until the stray ‘/’ was removed.

Here’s the official post from Mayer below:

If you did a Google search between 6:30 a.m. PST and 7:25 a.m. PST this morning, you likely saw that the message “This site may harm your computer” accompanied each and every search result. This was clearly an error, and we are very sorry for the inconvenience caused to our users.
What happened? Very simply, human error. Google flags search results with the message “This site may harm your computer” if the site is known to install malicious software in the background or otherwise surreptitiously. We do this to protect our users against visiting sites that could harm their computers. We work with a non-profit called StopBadware.org to get our list of URLs. StopBadware carefully researches each consumer complaint to decide fairly whether that URL belongs on the list. Since each case needs to be individually researched, this list is maintained by humans, not algorithms.

We periodically receive updates to that list and received one such update to release on the site this morning. Unfortunately (and here’s the human error), the URL of ‘/’ was mistakenly checked in as a value to the file and ‘/’ expands to all URLs. Fortunately, our on-call site reliability team found the problem quickly and reverted the file. Since we push these updates in a staggered and rolling fashion, the errors began appearing between 6:27 a.m. and 6:40 a.m. and began disappearing between 7:10 and 7:25 a.m., so the duration of the problem for any particular user was approximately 40 minutes.

Thanks to our team for their quick work in finding this. And again, our apologies to any of you who were inconvenienced this morning, and to site owners whose pages were incorrectly labelled. We will carefully investigate this incident and put more robust file checks in place to prevent it from happening again.

Thanks for your understanding.

Posted by Marissa Mayer, VP, Search Products & User Experience

Now, I’m not normally a fan of PETA. They seem to have the unique talent of taking a contested issue and holding an extreme position that can alienate most people. However, in this case I’m on PETA’s side. Their proposed Super Bowl ad, which features a bevy of beauties who are powerless to resist the temptation of veggie love, was deemed too hot for the Super Bowl by NBC. The list of complaints for the rejection includes:

• licking pumpkin
• touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli
• pumpkin from behind between legs
• rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin
• screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)
• asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina
• licking eggplant
• rubbing asparagus on breast

Visit Veggie Love for more details and videos

Super Bowl Strippers "All Hands On Dick!"

There’s Lip Stixx and Centerfolds and the Bliss Cabaret. There’s Diamond Dolls and Bare Assets and the Wild Gentlemen’s Club. In fact, there are, by one count, 43 strip clubs in the Tampa metropolitan area — one for each Super Bowl. And the week of Super Bowl XLIII is to Tampa’s naughty nightlife what Black Friday is to America’s shopping malls.

All the exotic dancing joints have earned Tampa a bawdy reputation — the lads’ magazine Maxim even put it on its top 10 list of best U.S. party cities a couple years ago, based mostly on the two score and more night spots to see naked or nearly naked women.

Now, with at least one spot planning to have a tent in the parking lot to handle the overflow of free-spending tourists, locals expect to profit mightily through kickoff Sunday evening.

“Based on what we did last Super Bowl (in 2001), the numbers will quadruple during that weekend,” says Nick Polefrone, general manager of 2001 Odyssey, a landmark club known for the spaceship-shaped VIP room rising from the top of the building.

Across the street is Mons Venus, a joint that is listed among the best strip clubs in the world by users of a Web site called The Ultimate Strip Club List. The two upscale clubs — walking distance from Raymond James Stadium, where the Arizona Cardinals will play the Pittsburgh Steelers — have been fixtures for decades. Polefrone figures Tampa’s naughty national image grew out from there.

“Tampa has a reputation for having the most strip clubs and the most girls who are a lot of fun,” says a 25-year-old exotic dancer named Claudia, who left her usual gig in Las Vegas to work the Super Bowl week here. (She asked that her last name not be used to save her family any embarrassment.)

Claudia says she’s worked four previous Super Bowls and expects to make as much as $2,000 a day performing at 2001 Odyssey. Most clubs treat the dancers as independent contractors who pay a flat fee to the house and keep the rest.

“It’s so crazy, everybody is in a such a party mood,” she says. “It’s a whole new level of everything.”

The clubs have been busy auditioning more dancers and upgrading their interiors. Some will stay open 24 hours.

The Tampa Tribune helpfully added a feature to its Web site listing the 43 strip clubs and allowing Super Bowl visitors to search for such information as the cover charge and dress code.

Tired of Tampa’s sleazy reputation, local lawmakers passed an anti-lap-dance ordinance before the last Super Bowl here in 2001, making it a misdemeanor offense for dancers to come within six feet of patrons. The measure got a lot of publicity, but police didn’t arrest anybody during Super Bowl week.

Police spokeswoman Andrea Davis says officers won’t be patrolling the clubs looking for dancers who get too close this time, but they’ll be obliged to investigate if someone calls in a complaint.

“Our primary focus during the Super Bowl is going to be public safety,” she says.

Bob Buckhorn, a former city councilman who pushed the six-foot ordinance, laments that the adult entertainment industry is “ingrained in the fabric of this community.” The point of the law, he says, was to attack prostitution and prevent other crime by trying to keep guys away from those places. He wishes it was more aggressively enforced today.

“It’s like cockroaches,” Buckhorn says. “If you don’t stay on top of it, it will infect and run you over. And that’s exactly what’s happened.”

To the city’s promoters, Tampa’s image as the Lap Dance Capital of America is not exactly something to tout in the glossy brochures. Travis Claytor, spokesman for Tampa Bay & Co., the tourism bureau, would rather point out other attractions, such as:

_ Beaches. Some of the best white-sand beaches anywhere are a half-hour or so from downtown. Two of them — Fort DeSoto Park and Caladesi Island — have topped the list from Stephen P. Leatherman, a Florida International University professor dubbed “Dr. Beach” for his annual rankings of the nation’s best coastlines.

_ Ybor City. The historic former Latin quarter east of downtown is a thriving entertainment district whose nightclubs will host some of the glitziest, celebrity-heavy Super Bowl parties. (There’s a strip club there, too, of course.)

_ Cigars. In the early 20th century, more cigars were made in Tampa than anywhere in the world, by Cuban immigrants. The city retains a rich cigar heritage, and some shops are still rolling them right on the premises.

But in the end, a lot of visitors will still be packing the clubs at night.

“It’s not necessarily a negative thing, it’s just one aspect of this destination,” the judicious Claytor says. “There is so much more to our area than that particular industry.”

I always thought that Quidditch was a guy thing, chasing small balls sitting on a stick and trying to put bigger ones on a hole. According to the following, it seems that ladies enjoy playing Quidditch way more then what was suspected… Especially if using the Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom. Girls playing with the broom gets wet, moan and scream for more.

Interesting, but then why only male play Quidditch? Is Harry loving to sit on something that vibrate?

Hayakita's Styrofoam Snowmen

Snow… what would winter be without it? That’s the question enterprising entrepreneurs in the northern Japanese farming town of Hayakita considered when wondering how to boost business in what’s normally the off-season. Located in the hinterlands of Abira county in Hokkaido, Japan’s northernmost large island, Hayakita has seized on a very enterprising way to create both interest and income from their most abundant natural resource: snow.

A snowman year-round, delivered

The essence of the plan is simple – pack snow into styrofoam snowmen and send them via the post office to folks in warmer climes who place orders online or at their own local post offices.

The costs are 4,000 yen (about $45) for 45cm (18-inch) tall Snowman “A” and 5,000 yen (about $55) for 55cm (22-inch) tall Snowman “B”, which may seem pricey but all taxes and delivery charges are included.

With more than 65,000 units shipped since 1986, Hayakita’s entrepreneurial villagers seem to have achieved success with a concept that some say wouldn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell!

All is not rosy, however – Abira is suffering an unusual shortfall of snow this year, perhaps due to global warming – which has forced the Hayakita Yukidaruma-kai snowman group to source fresh snow from the town of Yubari. The organization is distributing snowman (in Japanese, “yuki-daruma) kits to villagers who fill them in Yubari, then bring them back to Hayakita for distribution through the post office.

65,000 units shipped since 1986

“A snowman year-round, delivered” is Hayakita Yukidaruma-kai’s motto. Just imagine the excitement of children living in Japan’s tropical southern areas, waking up to a real snowman and perhaps touching snow for the very first time. Now that’s cool!

I think all men have a glimmer of hope that when we are in our 70′s and starting to need a little assistance around the house, that we might get a nice hot nurse to come and take care of us. Some fantasy’s might even include a little happy time when being helped into bed or getting your sponge bath, but these are just fantasy’s and can’t possibly come true… right?

74 Year-Old Japanese Porn Star Still Going

Well for 74 year-old Shigeo Tokuda, this is a reality that happens more often than you would think. That’s because Shigeo is actually a 74 year-old porn star who sometimes performs in roles where he is an elderly man in a home, when a hot nurse who is there to help him out gives him a little more help than normal.

74 year-old Shigeo Tokuda

“Lately I’m also starring as the main actor in a porn series set in a senior-care home. The girl that I’m costarring with might play my son’s wife, a daughter of a relative that I happen to be looking after, or a helper at one of the care homes.” It all started over 20 years ago, when Shigeo wanted to buy a porn video and was embarrassed to purchase it at an adult store. He went to the production company itself and over time became friends with the director. Shigeo has since performed in over 250 adult films during his over 14 years in the porn film industry. Although you would think it is the sex that keeps Shigeo coming back for film after film, it is actually the role playing and acting that turns him on the most.

This is a HARD Job...

“I mentioned before that I like films that are set up like TV dramas. This is partly because I’ve always had the desire to turn into all sorts of different people. So personally, I don’t get off just having sex with somebody. I continue working in this industry not because I like starring in adult films, but because I am given the opportunity to act in various roles. The appeal for me is in the fact that I can play different people, not that I can boast about my acting skills. Consequently, most of the films that I’m in have a proper plot and narrative.” Shigeo has plans to continue making more adult films until he feels his health and age become an issue. “Right now I don’t have any illnesses, so I guess I’ll keep watching my health and at least try to go on until I’m 80 [laughs].”

See more of Shigeo Tokuda movies
73 Years Old Erogotoshi	Tokuda Show: Erina Misaki	Tokuda Show: Satsuki Mochida

Dexter and Debra, a Killer Wedding

Michael C. Hall, who plays the lead role in Showtime’s Dexter, married co-star Jennifer Carpenter, who plays his sister on the television show.

They wed on New Year’s Eve in picturesque Big Sur, California. At their wedding, Carpenter’s grandfather’s beautiful, romantic, ‘I love you with all of my heart’ fucking wedding band was attached to her bouquet of white roses.

In “Dexter“, Hall plays Dexter Morgan, a Miami police analyst who moonlights as a serial killer targeting sociopaths. Carpenter plays Debra Morgan, Dexter’s adoptive sister, a tomboyish cop. “Dexter” is on cable channel Showtime.

Michael C. Hall, 37, and Jennifer Carpenter, 29,  just finished the third season of Dexter . They’ve been quietly dating for about a year and a half.

I just wonder if Carpenter answer “Fuck Yes!” when her psycho-killer fiancé pop the question…

I can bet that when ask about having a baby, Debra answered: “A baby? A motherfucking rolly-poly, chubby, cheeked, shit machine? Are you kidding me?”

Tyree Brown

SACRAMENTO, CA – You’ve heard of leaving a trail so it can be followed again later? Well, you’re not supposed to do that if you’re committing a crime.

The incident began when a security alarm went off at the Food Stop at 2101 Natomas Crossing about 4:30 New Year’s Day morning, according to Sacramento police Sgt. Norm Leong. He said when patrol officers responded, they found there had been a break-in and a number of items taken. They also noticed popcorn, in fact a trail of it, going out of the business.

Officers followed the popcorn to an apartment behind the store at 4000 Innovator Drive. When the apartment residents opened the door, Leong said police noticed the popcorn trail led into the unit.

Leong said one of the residents, Tyree Brown, was on probation. Officers conducted a probation search of the apartment and found items believed taken from the Food Stop, said Leong.

Brown, 21, was arrested on suspicion of theft and possession of stolen property. He remains in custody. Leong didn’t know if Brown was found eating the popcorn or if there was a bag of it leaking kernels.

The fake egg in cooking

In June 2003, there was a Chinese article about a consumer purchasing a bag of human-made eggs from the food market in Beijing. Although the faked eggs looked practically the same as real ones, the consumer smelled chemicals when cooking the eggs. The egg yolk dispersed quickly when it was mixed with the egg white, and the colour was pale. No flavour could be tasted after cooking. According to the officials of the National Bureau of Industry and Commerce, the faked eggs were made from chemicals.

News of human-made eggs was not confined to northern China. It was widely reported across the country. In less than a year, the faked egg industry has integrated itself into the retailing and wholesaling markets in Guangzhou. There is even a company openly teaching people the technique of manufacturing this kind of eggs.

The Process of Producing a Man-Made Egg

Evidence from Hong Kong and Guangzhou shows that the Guangzhou Bureau of Industry and Commerce identified a “faked eggs production” center and found more than ten thousands faked eggs at the centre in October 2004. That center was believed to be one of the many production centers.

A team of journalists from Hong Kong went to Guangzhou to investigate the matter. They found that there was even a “science and technology development company” teaching people how to make faked eggs out of chemicals. The course lasted for three days and cost six hundred dollars including the cost of equipments. The notes can be acquired separately at the cost of another hundred dollars. After the training, some people worked full-time to manufacture faked eggs for the market.

The chemicals used in synthesizing the faked eggs include baifan (alumen), gelatine, lactone, carboxymethyl cellulose, calcium choride, sodium alga acid, sodium benzoate, lysine, paraffin wax, calcium carbide, gypsum powder and so on. Although the chemicals used are not severely toxic, some of them post some long-term health risks when consumed or overdosed. For example, baifan (alumen) has been linked to Alzhmer’s disease if consumed for a prolonged period of time. Exposure to calcium carbide by faked egg producers due to carelessness can cause immediate irritation to the eyes and skin in the short term, while lung-irritation related bronchitis might arise in the long run.

Zhengzhou city’s local newspaper Zhengzhou Daily (Zhengzhou is the capital city of Henan province, in Central China) reported on Aug 13, 2007 that resident Mr. Wang, who’s selling food additive for many years, found that the chicken eggs he bought on night market didn’t look nature- his experience in food told him the “eggs” were made by additive!

So he caught the boss of the restaurant and asked him to tell he the truth, otherwise he will sue to the authority. The boss then reluctantly told Ms. Wang that the eggs were totally man-made, he actually didn’t make it himself but bought from a producer, and had finally told him the process of how to make fake eggs.

Mr. Wang then bought some materials – chemical food additive- and exposed to the reporter how to make fake eggs.

Additive liquor, for making egg yolk

Egg yolk is ready after concreting

Put egg white on egg yolk

You don’t need a chicken. Just combine sodium agla acid, water, gelatine, baifan, sodium benzoate, lactone, carboxymethyl cellulose, calcium carbide, lysine, food colouring agent, calcium chloride, paraffin wax, and gypsum powder.

Why make fake eggs ?

Because of money. The cost of fake egg is only 0.55 Yuan/kg ($0.08 US Dollars), while the true eggs’ market price is 5.6 Yuan/kg ($0.82 US Dollars).

The Moral of the story?

In a Communist Country what drive people is the Capitalist.

Osaka Man Maeyasu Kawamura, 60, broke the previous record set by his fellow national Shigeo Kodama who stole 4,400 pieces of lingerie which included 3,977 underpants, 355 bras and 10 pairs of stockings over a six-year period starting from 2001.

Maeyasu Kawamura, was indicted for theft by police in Osaka prefecture, western Japan. Police found more than 8,200 pieces of women’s clothing and lingerie including 2,400 pieces of lingerie, 600 kimonos and 5,200 items of other clothing all piled up high in his small apartment room.

Kawamura has confessed to stealing the items, which included a wedding dress. “He seemed to get a thrill out of sleeping covered in women’s clothes,” a police spokesman said. “He seemed to like the smell.”

The suspect admitted that he had stolen a massive amount of women’s clothes. “Over the past decade I’ve randomly stolen women’s clothes and underwear,” he was quoted as saying during questioning.

But they are not alone; a 27-year-old man, accused by police in Waukesha, Wis., (1,500 pairs of teenage girls’ shoes); Chih Hsien Wu, 43, charged in Fort Collins, Colo., (1,300 undergarments belonging to Colorado State University women); Garth Flaherty, 24, charged in Pullman, Wash., (1,500 women’s undergarments, weighing 93 pounds); Kevin Parrett, 51, sentenced in Faulkton, S.D., (800 women’s undergarments); Dan Trompke, 37, sentenced in Kearney, Neb., (more than 500 women’s undergarments) and the list goes on.

Shigeo Obara, a Japanese farmer found a clover with 21 leafs last week in his garden. It’s a new Guinness record, it beats his own previous record that was set in 2002 when he found a 18-leaf clover. Obara has been more than 50 years researching and crossbreeding clovers in his garden; his hobby started when he found 4-leaf clovers near his home in 1951. His objective is to create a clover with 30 leafs! He seems confident about his objective, and predicts that he will find it during the next years.

In Europe a 4-leaf clovers symbolize lucky but in Japan they symbolize happiness, 5-leaf clovers symbolize wealth and 6-leaf clovers are fame.

IBM Researchers and Dolores Labs did an interesting crowdsourcing experiment with amazon.com’s Mechanical Turk.

They showed men and women a body image with a random point highlighted. Would they like to touch their lover there, and separately, would they want to be touched there?

30,000 point ratings aggregate into a heat map of desire – interesting in isolation and in contrast across scenarios.

Here you see where each gender desires to be touched. Not too surprising.

But when you compare to where their lovers think they want to be touched, a few subtle differences emerge, providing guidance. For men, dingle and dangle could use a bit more attention. For women, the back of the neck is more sensual than you might imagine. Otherwise, you probably know where to go.

You can do other Fleshmap pair-wise comparisons here.

Across the straight/bisexual/gay gender matrix, the group least interested in being touched, on average: straight men. Go figure. But the other men bring the overall male average higher than the overall female average. Even older men (over 50) have higher scores than the most desirous female cohort –the 20-30 year olds. (from Dolores Blog)

All good food for thought as I depart for Utah…

So last month we broke the story about how one lonely, Viagra induced, Hong Kong resident almost lost his penis trying to make love to a metal bench.

It would appear the news did not reach one poor Malaysian man, who in an effort to increase his size, put a heavy welding nut on his penis and then accidentally got an erection which almost lead to him losing his penis.

The unnamed welder in his 20’s was attempting to lengthen his penis before his engagement next week by placing a heavy welding nut on then end of his penis in hopes it would stretch him out and make him longer.

During the process he gave himself an erection which caused the nut to become stuck on his penis, forcing him to call for help.

Fire and Rescue arrived on the scene but where unable to assist the man and were forced to take him to the hospital.

Sultanah Aminah hospital staff had to removed the top layer of his penis in order to get the welding nut off the poor guys penis.

Have to give it to this guy.. he had nuts of steel.

There is no place like Japan when it comes to vending machine weirdness.

You can get a whole slew of weird, but common, items like umbrellas, rice, beer, tobacco, eggs, and even porn, on any given street through the land of the rising sun.

However, in some darker and more obscure side streets of Japan, you can find vending machines selling things that even the Japanese find weird and strange.

One such vending machine that is found through out Japan is the “Used Schoolgirl Panties” vending machine.

As the image shows, machines would carry used panties with a picture of the schoolgirl who supposedly had worn them before giving them up to be sold.

Used schoolgirl panties are so popular, that even stores illegally sell them. As you can see in the below hidden camera investigation, schoolgirls can come into stores like this one and they are paid for the underwear they are currently wearing.

In fact the The Japanese government has identified the sale of used schoolgirl panties as such a problem they actually outlawed the sale or purchase of used schoolgirl panties anywhere, including vending machines.

A commercial was also made to help deter men from buying used schoolgirl panties by suggesting that the panties might not have even been worn by schoolgirls at all.

Playboy's Virgin Mary

Playboy has got into the Christmas spirit, by putting the Virgin Mary NUDE on its cover.

In its December issue model Maria Florencia Onori is featured posing in front of a stained glass window as the Virgin wearing nothing but an angelic white cloth. Its headline reads in Spanish: “We adore you, Mary.”

The December edition was published Thursday, just before the Mexican festival honoring Mary known as the Day of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

The Virgin of Guadalupe, said to have appeared to a sixteenth century Indian peasant, is Mexico’s most revered Roman Catholic figure and the annual pilgrimage to the Mexico City basilica dedicated to her is one of the world’s largest religious events.

In a statement, Chicago-based Playboy Enterprises Inc said the Mexican edition of the magazine is published by a licensee, and the company did not approve or endorse the cover.

“While Playboy Mexico never meant for the cover or images to offend anyone, we recognize that it has created offense, and we as well as Playboy Mexico offer our sincerest apologies,” the statement said.

Raul Sayrols, publisher of Playboy Mexico, said in a statement, “The image is not and never was intended to portray the Virgin of Guadalupe or any other religious figure. The intent was to reflect a Renaissance-like mood on the cover.”

Is in that a heavenly body? I hope I can spend eternity in paradise!

This is how two 12 years old Boy Scout are trying to get a Scout Badge by touching women’s breasts.

Well I did not know that Boob Massage was a new badge… It probably got introduce at the Scout Jamborgy with Fisting and Pubic Hair award.

Anyway those 2 scouts (their scouts name are probably Voyeur Beaver and Playboy Bunny) explained how they use the Internet to do their research. I understand that looking for boobs on Internet was probably really “HARD” for those two 12 years old. As Brian said: “We looked all over the Internet and those are really good” so I believe him.

Now they offer to “examine” your breast to find lumps, they will squeeze the nipple to make sure they don’t feel irregular and hope to find the lump in their pants.

They also have a nice website where you can send in your pics and learn it’s the most important thing you can do for your body.

FreeBreastExam.net

Ladies (only young because old have experience) what are you waiting for? Like they say: Be Prepared! Get topless in Zach’s basement (it’s not a real basement because it has carpets) in order to have your breasts exams by a 12 year old. You never know you might help them find a bump!

They have my Merit badge!

Vicar's Sex Toy

The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table.

He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had NOT been playing a sex game.

The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in

Sheffield have had to remove from people’s backsides or genitals.

Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.

Speaking of the vicar, A & E nurse Trudi Watson, of Sheffield’s Northern General Hospital, said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

“But it’s not for me to question his story. He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”

She advised anyone tempted to use such objects in sex games to think again.

“It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening,” she said.

“Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result.”

A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.

“But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”

A friend send me a stunning news clips from the BBC website called Women dice with death on M6, something you must see to believe.

Those 2 Swedish twins are simply unbelievably crazy so I investigate further and found a full news report on the incident on YouTube. Its 11 minutes long so sit back

Now you think it could not get more unbelievable? You’re wrong, Sabina Ericksson (the women in red) aged 40, of Mallow, County Cork, appear at North Staffordshire Magistrates’ Court on september 12th and was charged with the murder of Glen Hollinshead.

Mr Hollinshead, aged 54, was found behind his home in Duke Street, Fenton, on May 20 with a stab wound to his chest.

OK now it’s totally fuck up?! Not yet she appeared in court in a wheelchair. Why? Because she jumped from a bridge over the A50 after she allegedly stabbed the man to death. Ericksson, fractured her skull and both ankles.

WOW she is totally nuts.

Stuart Muldoon, defending, said a psychiatric assessment of Ericksson would have to be made before any plea. Judge Mark Eades adjourned the case until November 21. Ericksson was remanded in custody. No shit!!

From The Sentinel

A study commissioned by a phallically named insurance company proves beyond all doubt that the unbridled roar of an Italian supercar turns women on but the soft purr of a fuel-efficient econobox doesn’t stimulate anyone’s MPG-spot.

David Moxon subjected 40 men and women to the sounds of a Maserati, Lamborghini and Ferrari, then measured the amount of testosterone in their saliva. He found everyone had higher levels of the stuff — a measure of their arousal — after hearing the revving exotics, but the amount the women had was off the charts.

The econobox, however, left everyone colder than a January day with 4 feets of snow.

The study was commissioned by the ultra-exclusive British insurer Hiscox (I swear we’re not making this up), which was curious to know how people respond to high-end luxury cars. “We knew owners of luxury cars felt a connection with the sound of their vehicles,” says Steve Langan, managing director of the insurance company. “We have now scientifically proven the physical attraction people feel when it comes to cars.”

To test the theory that high-performance cars get people hot, Moxon had 40 men and women listen to recordings of the three Italian exotics and a Volkswagen Polo. Everyone had significantly more testosterone after hearing the exotics, and all of the women were turned on by the Maserati. The guys, on the other hand, were drawn to the Lamborghini.

“We saw significant peaks in the amount of testosterone in the body, particularly in women,” Maxon says, noting that even women who said they had no interest in cars were turned on. “Testosterone is indicative of positive arousal in the human body so we can confidently conclude from the results out today that the roar of a luxury car engine actually does cause a primeval physiological response.”

As for the Polo? Everyone had less testosterone after listening to it. That means the acceleratus interruptus of a Prius going all-electric in traffic is automotive equivalent of skin flicks starring previous secretaries of state, despite General Motors’ claim that nearly nine out of 10 women would rather talk to a guy in a hybrid than a Porsche.

August 6th, 2008 in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him.

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Lets just say this is probably one bad date that Xing will never forget.

Now you know why I called him, the Chinese’ Fucking Steel Man.

Just when you thought you’ve seen everything… BAM! Video quality is poor, but then again just how much quality do you need when looking at fake pubic hair.

She is Kristen, the georgeous call girl at the center of the prostitution scandal with the Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York. At 22, she is now world famous for having sex with a governor and made the New York Times front page. Not Bad!?

The court papers alleging that Gov. Eliot Spitzer paid more than $4,000 for her services. WOW!! How much does a NY Gov. makes a year to be able to pay that much? Btw M. Splitzer we have high class protistute that cute in Montreal for only $300 an hour or really cheap whore at $5 a pop. You got screwed big time. Personally for $4,000 I will prefer 10 girls at $400 each. Hehehe

Ashley is also a wanna be singer, well hip-hop is not my style of music and she sound pretty much like anybody but still not bad. On her MySpace Music page her latest track, “What We Want,” have an interesting chorus: “I know what you want, you got what I want,” “I know what you need. Can you handle me?”. I must admit she is thruthfull in her music. You can buy it here.

Ashley did you know you can open you own adult website and make more money without having to fuck and go to jail? Contact me I’ve been doing that for a decade now.

Ashley Alexandra Dupré MySpace pictures:

A man convicted of having sex with a deer carcass in October 2006 will spend another nine months in jail.

Judge Michael Lucci handed down the sentence Friday during a reconfinement hearing.

Bryan James Hathaway, 21, had his probation revoked Dec. 11 for violations that include using of alcohol and marijuana, lying to a probation agent, having contact with a minor child and sexual relations with another adult without agent approval.

Lucci also ordered six months behind bars in connection with a 2005 conviction for killing a horse. Hathaway told police he killed the animal in order to have sex with it.

The sentences run concurrently.

Hathaway had just been released from prison for the horse killing when the deer incident occurred.

Bryan James Hathaway

111While Hathaway’s attorney, Frederic Anderson, sought a four-month sentence for the probation violations, Lucci noted this was not the first time probation was revoked in connection with the horse killing. He followed recommendations made by the District Attorney’s office.

Hathaway is currently appealing his conviction in connection with the deer incident. The appeal hinges on whether sex with a dead animal meets the criteria of law and whether statements made to a probation agent in front of a police officer influenced statements Hathaway made to the officer.

So even after we tried to warn you with our Beware the dreaded “MySpace Angles” post you’ve refused to give up on the hope that your MySpace hottie is, in fact, who she says she is. After all, she’s great, right? You two talk about EVERYTHING together through instant messenger and on the phone and you get along so well. She’s really into hearing about your ten hour long gaming marathons and doesn’t mind at all that you still live with your parents. She’s absolutely perfect. And incredibly HOT as well. After all, you’ve seen the pics to prove it.

But she still continues to shy away every time you mention meeting up face-to-face. She’s always got “that thing” going on this weekend or she’s just “oh-so-super shy” and tells you “maybe next week…or something.” So what gives, huh? It almost makes you start to wonder if…well, you know.

Yes, this is who you’ve been talking to while fapping online.

Well, far be it from us to tell you who to love. After all, beauty is only skin deep. We didn’t write the original post to be mean-spirited at all. However, we did feel it was nothing short of our civic duty to shed some light on the oh-so-pervasive phenomenon of the MySpace Angles.

It happens every day, guys. And it could be happening to you RIGHT NOW.

We also enjoyed the comments from the ladies that felt the need to let us know that guys can be just as fraudulent in their portrayal of themselves online as young women can be. While we are ecstatic to have the feedback, we are compelled to point out that it’s not necessarily a newsflash that guys lie about themselves online. Unless you really thought that we believed every anonymous poster online was six-foot-three with chiseled muscles and a bank account that would PWN Donald Trump’s. After all, there is a reason we aren’t posting pictures of ourselves here: you’d just run away from your monitors screaming only to be found hours later huddled in a corner shivering in fright.

Yeah, we know that guys lie too. But the girls are just more fun to laugh at. Sorry, ladies. But you keep on filling our inbox, ok?

So we’ve dug a little deeper and have successfully brought to you a second installment of the infamous MySpace Angles phenomenon. These lovely ladies are well aware that they don’t quite fit the mass media-portrayed, rail-thin body type of what pop culture says they are supposed to look like. But are they shying away from all the benefits that the magic of online social networking websites can bring them? Heck no, they aren’t!

These enterprising young women are working with what they got in ways that should be admired and even celebrated. They have taken a canvas that they know most shallow, modern men would pass over and skillfully turned it into a work of art that would make Monet jealous and Da Vinci horny.

So the next time you steer your browser over to MySpace, Facebook, or any other social networking or dating site, take a real close look at the lighting in those pictures. Check out that angle shot for what it really is. Because you may be staring at what may ultimately go down in history as the perfect crime. Because whether it’s you or the next guy that comes along, someone is destined to get all the lovin’ that they can handle.

So cute. So nubile. So pale. So pained, but beautiful

So where the HELL did CarrotTop come from?!?

Great smile and pretty eyes. She tells you that’s her brother beside her so you won’t be jealous

But it wasn’t her brother. It was her last dinner. And you’re next

Who doesn’t love the prim, shy librarian look?

Wow! That librarian fantasy sure fades fast in the light of day!

Ah, the requisite MySpace kissy face. So adorable

Hey, where are you going? She was gonna give you a kiss!

Cute and coy. And that shot of the "goods" is certainly an accident

Looks like there are plenty more "goods" where those came from

Nothing cuter than a little emo dreamer in the over-the-head angle shot

Oh my! Quick! Raise the camera up! Up, I say!

Black and white sad shots almost always turn out well

Moo U. semi formal pics in the light of day - not so much

This pic is all sweet. Definitely a lady you want to take home to meet mom

But the second pic is of a chick that will fight you for the last beer! Or forty ounce!

Finally, we all know that MySpace is the home of the emo hotties showing cleavage

But when the hell did it become Transylvania?!?!

So you’ve been talking to this hot young lady that you met on MySpace, Facebook, Friendster or one of the many other social networking or dating sites that are available online and you believe you have come to a point that you are ready to meet her. You get along great and have awesome conversations over the phone and on instant messenger. You listen to the same bands and have similar interests, irks, aspirations, and idiosyncrasies. In short, it really seems like you are falling for this girl.

And her pictures. “Wow” is all you can say every time that you look at them. The way that her hair falls over her shoulder as she gives you that sultry-but-oh-so-innocent look in the photo that she sent you which drives you wild. You can hardly believe that you have found a creature that is so beautiful, yet so deep and really into your interests as well. You’ve even caught yourself feeling a little sorry that you previously held the misconception that all girls that look this great are vapid and stuck up. But now you know better and you thank the internet and your computer every day while you have endless conversations with her while staring at her photo that you have now plastered onto your desktop.

You know she’s hot. You’ve shown her picture to your friends and they think she’s hot. And now you’re ready to meet her. But are you prepared for what you may actually find?

Well, let this serve as a warning to you because you may have just fallen victim to the dreaded, “MySpace Angles.”

The MySpace Angles phenomenon isn’t one that is new but is a growing concern for men, young and old, across the globe. Photography-savvy young ladies are utilizing crafty camera angles and even photo software to weave a type of black magic onto their likenesses that would rival even the most forgiving Glamour Shots photographers of the old days. These crafty ladies will bend and conform themselves precariously to just the right position to hide those multiple chins, unsightly bulges, and possibly even hooves in the attempt to rope in unsuspecting victims across the World Wide Web.

MySpace Angle

Cold, Harsh Reality

You may tell yourself that by being diligent about asking for multiple photos you are being an alarmist and maybe even paranoid. Additionally, the fact that this phenomenon exists may even appear to be mean-spirited and just plain wrong. However, we ask you while presenting this evidence to you today: Just who is at fault here? Should you feel guilty for ensuring that the package you are presented is the package you should expect? Or are you just going to hold out until the bitter end and hope for the best?

MySpace Angle Super Cutie

Larger-than-expected Dinner Date Bill

Asian Honey + Glasses = Smart and Sexy!

You’re gonna need more sake to be able to seal this deal!

Trippy little cutie that is sure to be a blast to hang out with

In reality, “little” doesn’t quite describe the trip you’re going on

A veritable Goddess at this angle

But the light of day suggests otherwise

This princess has a heart of gold and the face of an angel

But take away the soft-lighting effects of photo-editing software and another creature emerges

This is a quirky little hottie that can hang out with the guys and still be cute

Well, she can hang out with the guys, anyway. And probably drink them all under the table, to boot

The emo girl of your dreams

Or maybe your worst nightmare

And finally, one late night you asked your beauty for some boob shots

And you GOT ‘EM!

Taking a cue from Shallow Hal, love may be blind and beauty may only be skin deep but a façade of smoke and mirrors is no way to begin a relationship and if the lovely lady of your online dreams isn’t truthful with you about herself upfront, can you be so sure you can trust her down the road?

Consider this as a public service announcement to all the would-be e-Romeos out there that are trolling the social sites looking for love: watch out, because you may be biting off more than you can chew!

Generally, I’ve been pretty lucky with my health. I’ve never had a headache. Or suffered a nosebleed. Or broken a bone. And until quite recently, I’d never experienced a hangover, despite spending most of my twenties and much of my thirties determined to advance the onset of chronic liver damage.

Within the last few years, however, things have changed. For a start, I drink a lot less, but even when I do I still don’t suffer as most seem to – no pounding skull, no nausea, no sensitivity to loud noise – but the night before definitely makes its presence felt on the day that follows. I suffer from a kind of mental lethargy, staring at my computer screen for considerable amounts of time, before realizing with a start that I haven’t actually done anything for ten minutes. And then there’s the digestion issue. Without being too graphic, visits to the toilet become more frequent, more urgent, more painful and, to be frank, more… liquid. It’s not pretty.

So the search for a hangover cure has become paramount. I need something to ease my mind back into the day, something to tighten up the valves downstairs, and several years of intensive trial and error have led me in the direction of two remedies.

Stage one is ice cream, which I believe works for me for two reasons. Firstly, the coolness of product helps to counteract the inevitable post-alcohol sweat. Secondly, both dairy products and eggs are a valuable source of Vitamin B12, a deficiency of which is normal in hangovers – my body is telling me it needs more, and ice-cream delivers.

Stage two is the imbibing of Pepto-Bismol, that remarkable, vibrantly pink remedy for bowel anguish. This stuff is weird, but it does the trick. Years ago, when I worked for outlandishly hirsute rockers The Cure, the band wouldn’t tour without stocking up first. I’d be at my desk, and the call would come in. “Fraser? We’re in Rio, and we’ve run out of Pepto. Can you Fedex us a crate?” And so I would.

Ice cream. Pepto-bismol. Pepto-bismol. Ice cream. After a while, it became obvious. I should combine the two. So I wrote to Proctor & Gamble, manufacturers of the liquid, and asked their opinion:

I am a long-time user of Pepto-Bismol. I like the fact that it is extremely pink, and find it very useful for coping with alcohol-induced bouts of digestive trauma.

But can you cook with Pepto-Bismol? I am thinking of making some Pepto-Bismol ice-cream, and want to know if there are any dangers involved.

Thanks in advance,

Fraser

With the kind of wild efficiency you’d expect from such a vast organisation, a response swiftly arrived.

Hello and thanks for your e mail.

Pepto-Bismol is a strictly controlled medicine and should only used as a remedy to relieve the symptoms of an upset stomach.

Kind regards,

Christine

Consumer Relations

Well, I’m none the wiser. No information. I guess there’s nothing to do but experiment; this is, after all, how advances in medical science are made. And so I gather together the ingredients.

The Ingredients

Eggs (6 yolks). Vanilla pods (2). Milk (250ml). Pepto-Bismol (1 bottle). Cream (250ml). Sugar (50g). Simple. We start by splitting the vanilla pods and scraping out the tiny seeds.

Vanilla

The seeds get added to the cream, sugar and eggs as I rustle up a classic crème anglaise, the foundation of all good ice creams. This custard is taken off the heat as soon as it’s close to boiling (the point at which the liquid can curdle), and rapidly cooled over a bowl of iced water. Eagle-eyed readers will notice the tiny specs of vanilla in the picture below.

Crème Anglaise

Gingerly – I’m not sure why, perhaps I expect some kind of unholy fusion – I pour in the medicine. Nothing happens. No chemical reaction. No-one dies.

Pouring the Pepto

Stirring the ingredients together, however, does reveal a serious problem. The passionate Pepto pink has diminished somewhat, leaving behind a more anaemic imitation.

Pepto Anglais

Thankfully, help is at hand. In the far reaches of the blogjam pantry I’m able to score an ancient bottle of scarlet food dye, and add a capful to the brew.

Dyed Anglais

Finally, I pour the compound into my trusty Panasonic Ice Cream Maker, light the blue touch paper, and retire.

While I’m waiting for the mixture to freeze, I revisit the Pepto-Bismol website, where a glance at the FAQ section reveals a previously unheralded paragraph:

Some people feel refrigerating makes the dose more pleasing to take, and that’s OK. However, you shouldn’t freeze the product.

Whoa! Waddya mean no freezing? I’ve just made ice-cream! I need to clarify the situation immediately, and write back to Proctor & Gamble.

I’ve just noticed that the FAQ on the Pepto-Bismol website says that while refrigerating the product is OK, one shouldn’t freeze it. Can you shed any light on why this might be?

This time, Penny responds.

We do not have any information about freezing Pepto-Bismol….we can only stress that as a controlled medicine it should only be used as directed on the bottle.

Kind regards,

Penny

Consumer Relations

What a quandary! Obviously the girls can’t endorse my ice-cream adventure, but they won’t give me any clues as to why it’s a bad idea either. Penny doesn’t have this information to hand, but P&G must have tested the theory, otherwise the warning on the website wouldn’t be there. What to do?

Eat it, of course! In my book, food without danger is like sex with a condom: it goes in the same entrance, but the experience is altogether less thrilling, less memorable, indeed less satisfying. I fetch the ice cream from the freezer, scoop out a chunk, and admire its pinky goodness.

Pepto Bismol Ice Cream

The taste? Actually, it’s quite nice. The vanilla and sugar temper the metallic bitterness of the medicine, giving the end result a flavour not too dissimilar to black cherry. And as a hangover cure? Initial studies are encouraging, with no negative side-effects experienced as yet. A mild mid-week drinking session provided the first test, and while my cross-breed concoction certainly didn’t eliminate the suffering altogether, the benefits did not go unnoticed.

Obviously, if I’m to suggest to P&G that they approach Ben & Jerry’s to produce a commercial version, there will have to be proper clinical trials, with control groups and placebos and suchlike, but I’m hopeful. It’ll sit nicely on the shelves next to my paracetamol bacon roll.

Small-print: As as a controlled medicine, Pepto-Bismol should only be used as directed on the bottle. If in doubt, consult your pharmacist.

Listen to your body it all depend how bad you are, what you drank and how much. First if you are felling nausea don’t hold it back with pills since you will probably simply delay the inevitable and waste all the pills and will have to start all over again. Also it will normally just speed up the recovery process by getting the rest of the alcohol out of your body.

Drink Gastrolite or Pedialite, a drink with balanced electrolytes and can be purchased in any pharmacy normally used to help recover from a gastro. Drink slowly as not to overwhelm your stomach. Drink warm water no cold water especially if you are all sweaty since your stomach will contract too fast and you will end up with worst abdominal pains or spasms that can make you throw up.

Take one or two Advil if you have a headache. No Aspirin or Tylenol.

If you have diarrhea or if you throw up, Pepto Bismol will be a good choice to help your digestive system recover.

Once you are feeling a bit better you can go on solid food. My favorite is toast with maple syrup. Well pretty much the same food as if you had a gastro.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

What burns more calories, working out or looking at breasts? Brainiac’ Richard Hammond assesses the health benefits of staring at a lady’s chest.

Tips for avoiding the worst consequence of holiday overindulgence.
From Harvard Health Publications

Hangovers seem to be the body’s way of reminding us about the hazards of overindulgence. Physiologically, it’s a group effort: Diarrhea, fatigue, headache, nausea, and shaking are the classic symptoms. Sometimes, systolic (the upper number) blood pressure goes up, the heart beats faster than normal, and sweat glands overproduce — evidence that the “fight or flight” response is revved up. Some people become sensitive to light or sound. Others suffer a spinning sensation (vertigo).

The causes are as varied as the symptoms. Alcohol is metabolized into acetaldehyde, a substance that’s toxic at high levels, although concentrations rarely get that high, so that’s not the complete explanation.

Drinking interferes with brain activity during sleep, so a hangover may be a form of sleep deprivation. Alcohol scrambles the hormones that regulate our biological clocks, which may be why a hangover can feel like jet lag, and vice versa. Alcohol can also trigger migraines, so some people may think they’re hung over when it’s really an alcohol-induced migraine they’re suffering.

Hangovers begin after blood alcohol levels start to fall. In fact, according to some experts, the worst symptoms occur when levels reach zero.

The key ingredient seems to be “drinking to intoxication”; how much you drank to get there is less important. In fact, several studies suggest that light and moderate drinkers are more vulnerable to getting a hangover than heavy drinkers. Yet there’s also seemingly contradictory research showing that people with a family history of alcoholism have worse hangovers. Researchers say some people may end up with drinking problems because they drink in an effort to relieve hangover symptoms.

Dr. Robert Swift, a researcher at the Providence Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Rhode Island, coauthored one of the few review papers on hangovers in 1998. It’s still one of the most frequently cited sources on the topic. The rundown on hangover remedies that follows is based on that review, an interview with Dr. Swift, and several other sources.

Hair of the dog.
Drinking to ease the symptoms of a hangover is sometimes called taking the hair of the dog, or hair of the dog that bit you. The notion is that hangovers are a form of alcohol withdrawal, so a drink or two will ease the withdrawal.

There may be something to it, says Dr. Swift. Both alcohol and short-acting sedatives, such as benzodiazepines like diazepam (Valium), interact with GABA receptors on brain cells, he explained, and it’s well documented that some people have withdrawal symptoms from short-acting sedatives as they wear off. Perhaps the brain reacts similarly as blood alcohol levels begin to drop.

Even so, Dr. Swift advises against using alcohol as a hangover remedy. “The hair of the dog just perpetuates a cycle,” he says. “It doesn’t allow you to recover.”

Drink fluids.
Alcohol promotes urination because it inhibits the release of vasopressin, a hormone that decreases the volume of urine made by the kidneys. If your hangover includes diarrhea, sweating, or vomiting, you may be even more dehydrated. Although nausea can make it difficult to get anything down, even just a few sips of water might help your hangover.

Get some carbohydrates into your system.
Drinking may lower blood sugar levels, so theoretically some of the fatigue and headaches of a hangover may be from a brain working without enough of its main fuel. Moreover, many people forget to eat when they drink, further lowering their blood sugar. Toast and juice is a way to gently nudge levels back to normal.

Avoid darker-colored alcoholic beverages.
Experiments have shown that clear liquors, such as vodka and gin, tend to cause hangovers less frequently than dark ones, such as whiskey, red wine, and tequila. The main form of alcohol in alcoholic beverages is ethanol, but the darker liquors contain chemically related compounds (congeners), including methanol. According to Dr. Swift’s review paper, the same enzymes process ethanol and methanol, but methanol metabolites are especially toxic, so they may cause a worse hangover.

Take a pain reliever, but not Tylenol.
Aspirin, ibuprofen (Motrin, other brands), and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) may help with the headache and the overall achy feelings. NSAIDs, though, may irritate a stomach already irritated by alcohol. Don’t take acetaminophen (Tylenol). If alcohol is lingering in your system, it may accentuate acetaminophen’s toxic effects on the liver.

Drink coffee or tea.
Caffeine may not have any special anti-hangover powers, but as a stimulant, it could help with the grogginess. Coffee is a diuretic, though, so it may exacerbate dehydration.

Vitamin B6.
A study published over 30 years ago found that people had fewer hangover symptoms if they took a total of 1,200 milligrams of vitamin B6 before, during, and just after drinking to get drunk. But it was a small study and doesn’t seem to have been replicated.

Artichoke extract.
Supplement makers have promoted artichoke extract for a variety of ills, including hangovers, because it supposedly has beneficial effects on the liver. But a small study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal in 2004 concluded that it isn’t effective for hangovers.

That will make me slow down!

That’s why you don’t give a 8 year old kid a computer in his room.

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from a world renowned scientific journal (SPY Magazine January, 1990), I am pleased to present the results of the first truly scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.