WTF is this? It look like a Boob Machine… but why? This is disturbing.

Still wandering what to give for Christmas this year? It’s not an easy one, with the economic recession everyone is trying to work with a tight budget.

Still your kids are asking you for Guitar Hero 5 but you don’t have money? I have the PERFECT gift for you. It’s called: an Air Guitar! It’s cheap, easy to play, unbreakable, does not required batteries.

If you want to invest a bit (around 20$) you can go with a Guitar Hero Air Guitar kit.

You want to go with the Band kit? You can also have Air Drum.

If you sing, the Air Singing.

What are you waiting for? Start your Air Band now and you may end up on national TV or even in front on thousand of peoples in Finland for the World Championship.

If you can’t find any Air Guitar in your local store, you can buy it directly from me for only 1.99$ Canadian (it’s $1.87 USD)! Yes an ORIGINAL Air Guitar for only 1.99$ or the combo Air Guitar + Air Drum for only 2.99$ and the full Air Band Kit including guitar, drum, vocal and bass for a super low price of 4.99$!! FREE SHIPPING Worldwide in less then 30 seconds.

Good luck to you and Merry Christmas!

Dad had gone out to get coffee and breakfast. Mom was helping their 4-year-old son on the toilet. Their 9-year-old daughter was playing Nintendo.

That was how the morning of Jan. 3 played out for the Wolfe family of Massachusetts inside Room 142 of the Homewood Suites in Mount Laurel, Burlington County. Soon, the Wolfes would pack up and finish their long drive home from Florida.

But, wait: The couple’s 22-month-old son was supposed to be on the hotel’s pull-out sofa, watching TV. Instead, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week in New Jersey, the toddler was choking on a used condom that had been left in their room before they checked in.

When Amy Wolfe heard her youngest child chewing and choking on the condom, she rushed over to help him and retrieved it from his mouth, but according to the lawsuit, the boy already had “ingested the contents.”

The suit contends that Homewood Suites and its subsidiaries, Hilton and Blackstone, put the boy at risk by leaving the “life threatening” item in the room and subjecting the boy to an increased risk of contracting a “sexually transmitted disease, including HIV or AIDS, or some other, potentially life threatening, potentially fatal illness.”

“The baby had to go through a lot of testing, and continues to, because of this disgusting, horrific incident that essentially violated the whole family, but mostly the young boy,” said the Wolfes’ attorney, Norm Hobbie, of Eatontown, Monmouth County. “It’s an extremely sensitive time for them.”

Homewood Suites did not return phone calls or e-mail seeking comment on the suit yesterday.

The 15-count complaint contends that all five Wolfes suffered severe mental anguish witnessing the incident, and that the boy’s siblings likely would have “psychiatric scars” because of it.

It says that Steven Wolfe has been forced to spend “great sums of money” to help cure his wife of a “loss of enjoyment of life.”

The suit says the Wolfes had been en route to Pittsfield, Mass., after spending the holidays with relatives in Fort Myers, Fla.

Pets that licks and gets you wet… We probably can find a few use for them.

This is a pedophile dream toy.

This is the staff meeting about the Oozinator, yes please.

I always thought that Quidditch was a guy thing, chasing small balls sitting on a stick and trying to put bigger ones on a hole. According to the following, it seems that ladies enjoy playing Quidditch way more then what was suspected… Especially if using the Nimbus 2000 vibrating broom. Girls playing with the broom gets wet, moan and scream for more.

Interesting, but then why only male play Quidditch? Is Harry loving to sit on something that vibrate?

Mall Santas can go bad on several different levels. Here are the twelve worst versions…

Pull My Finger Santa
You'd think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it's like the first time every time.

Narcoleptic Santa
Halfway through hearing a wishlist he's sawing logs and drooling on a baby.

Touchy Feely Santa
Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.

Bad with Baby Santa
You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you've been here before.

Lapdance Santa
It's a shame when children take a back seat on Santa's priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.

Shitty Fake Beard Santa
Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.

Skinny Santa
The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.

Flashing Santa
Nobody wants to to see Santa's dong. Nobody.

Sneak a Drink Santa
Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there's something wrong with brown bottled water.

Saddam Hussein Santa
Everyone's gotta pay the bills, right?And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone's gotta pay the bills, right?

Now I know where kids come from!

Really helpful tips, I didn’t realise my preconception about handling babies are all wrong, I am so grateful and thankful to have these picture advices to teach and enlighten me, so touched.. thank you so much, thank you, master baby handler!!!

Lifting Baby	Nursing Baby	Testing Baby's Bottle
Feeding Baby	Checking Diaper	Changing Diaper
Containing Baby	Bundling Baby	Waking Baby
Fun Games for Baby	Buckling Up Baby	Walking with Baby
Shopping with Baby	Playing with Baby	Exercising Baby
Massaging Baby	Washing Baby	Drying Baby
Helping Baby Teethe	Calming Baby	Stimulating Baby
Bonding with Baby	Making Baby Smile	Introducing to Pets
Clearing Baby's Nose	Putting Baby to Bed	Babyproofing Home
Choosing a Babysitter

This one is going in my shopping list! A brand new elmo!

Another 70s classic kids tv show, but this one is SOOOO funny I’m crying I can’t stand it… “Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember, you can bounce your balls at the same time if you like. Or if you haven’t got any balls, you could ask a friend, if you can play with his.”

That’s why you don’t give a 8 year old kid a computer in his room.

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from a world renowned scientific journal (SPY Magazine January, 1990), I am pleased to present the results of the first truly scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.