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A $3.37 beer lands a man back in jail

Man stole a beer to celebrate getting out of jail

A young man will spend the next 60 days in jail after stealing a beer from a convenience store in Quebec. He stole the $3.37 beer to celebrate having just gotten out of jail.

Denis Danny Roberge, a 19-year-old repeat offender, had been convicted several time for petty theft, with his last crime landing him in jail for eight months, his lawyer said.

On febuary 19th, Roberge was released from prison and, looking to celebrate, visited the Laval store. He was caught by the store’s owner as he was about to steal the beer.

The suspect then fled the scene, with the store owner chasing him. Along the way, they came across police officers and Roberge was arrested.

On Monday, lawyers for both sides agreed 60 days in jail was the shortest possible sentence for Roberge. The sentence is longer than usual because of the teen’s prior convictions. For first-time offenders, such a small theft would likely not make it to court.

Posted: March 3rd, 2010 by
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Losing your head? Eat a new one!

Lin Zongxiu, from the southwestern province of Sichuan, heard in 2008 that soup made with a man’s head could help cure her daughter who had suffered from psychiatric problems for years, the Chengdu Commercial newspaper reported.

Lin and her husband decided to enlist the help of a man in December who knocked unconscious a drunk 76-year-old passer-by before beheading him, the paper claimed.

The couple then gave their 25-year-old daughter soup made from the man’s head, and duck.

A local court sentenced the murderer to death with a two-year reprieve on Monday, and Lin was convicted of helping to destroy evidence that included the culprit’s bloody clothes and shoes, the paper said.

The murderer’s reprieve means that his sentence will likely be commuted to life in prison as long as he commits no further offences in the next two years.

Posted: September 13th, 2009 by
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Must See Shit
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Parents ask 10 years old son to drive them home

Randy Lewis, Buy this Dad a Beer!

A 10-year old’s driving services were requested by 43-year old Randy Lewis (that’s actually him in the picture, he was really wearing that shirt) and Paula Elaine Evans because they were too drunk to drive themselves. Other passengers included another 10-year old and a 6-year old. However, the driver lost control of the van at 90MPH and flipped it, before it finally came to stop on its roof.

Thankfully, all five individuals where released from the hospital with minor injuries, and Lewis and Evans (the adults could have died for all I care) both went to jail for charges ranging from child endangerment and neglect to DUI, a charge which can be levied in Tennessee even if you aren’t behind the wheel. After a performance like that, we sincerely hope nobody ever buys that dad a beer ever again.

When the authorities arrived on the scene, Lewis admitted to having consumed at least 15 beers as well as somealcohol while Miss Evans pounded down as many unidentified pills as she could before police arrested her.

Wow, making a 10-year old drive you home because you’re wasted? That’s just sad. I think we can all agree here that designated drivers should at least be 11½. You know, so they can reach the pedals.

Posted: May 7th, 2009 by
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Pepto-Bismol Ice Cream

Generally, I’ve been pretty lucky with my health. I’ve never had a headache. Or suffered a nosebleed. Or broken a bone. And until quite recently, I’d never experienced a hangover, despite spending most of my twenties and much of my thirties determined to advance the onset of chronic liver damage.

Within the last few years, however, things have changed. For a start, I drink a lot less, but even when I do I still don’t suffer as most seem to – no pounding skull, no nausea, no sensitivity to loud noise – but the night before definitely makes its presence felt on the day that follows. I suffer from a kind of mental lethargy, staring at my computer screen for considerable amounts of time, before realizing with a start that I haven’t actually done anything for ten minutes. And then there’s the digestion issue. Without being too graphic, visits to the toilet become more frequent, more urgent, more painful and, to be frank, more… liquid. It’s not pretty.

So the search for a hangover cure has become paramount. I need something to ease my mind back into the day, something to tighten up the valves downstairs, and several years of intensive trial and error have led me in the direction of two remedies.

Stage one is ice cream, which I believe works for me for two reasons. Firstly, the coolness of product helps to counteract the inevitable post-alcohol sweat. Secondly, both dairy products and eggs are a valuable source of Vitamin B12, a deficiency of which is normal in hangovers – my body is telling me it needs more, and ice-cream delivers.

Stage two is the imbibing of Pepto-Bismol, that remarkable, vibrantly pink remedy for bowel anguish. This stuff is weird, but it does the trick. Years ago, when I worked for outlandishly hirsute rockers The Cure, the band wouldn’t tour without stocking up first. I’d be at my desk, and the call would come in. “Fraser? We’re in Rio, and we’ve run out of Pepto. Can you Fedex us a crate?” And so I would.

Ice cream. Pepto-bismol. Pepto-bismol. Ice cream. After a while, it became obvious. I should combine the two. So I wrote to Proctor & Gamble, manufacturers of the liquid, and asked their opinion:

I am a long-time user of Pepto-Bismol. I like the fact that it is extremely pink, and find it very useful for coping with alcohol-induced bouts of digestive trauma.

But can you cook with Pepto-Bismol? I am thinking of making some Pepto-Bismol ice-cream, and want to know if there are any dangers involved.

Thanks in advance,

Fraser

With the kind of wild efficiency you’d expect from such a vast organisation, a response swiftly arrived.

Hello and thanks for your e mail.

Pepto-Bismol is a strictly controlled medicine and should only used as a remedy to relieve the symptoms of an upset stomach.

Kind regards,

Christine

Consumer Relations

Well, I’m none the wiser. No information. I guess there’s nothing to do but experiment; this is, after all, how advances in medical science are made. And so I gather together the ingredients.

The Ingredients

The Ingredients

Eggs (6 yolks). Vanilla pods (2). Milk (250ml). Pepto-Bismol (1 bottle). Cream (250ml). Sugar (50g). Simple. We start by splitting the vanilla pods and scraping out the tiny seeds.

Vanilla

Vanilla

The seeds get added to the cream, sugar and eggs as I rustle up a classic crème anglaise, the foundation of all good ice creams. This custard is taken off the heat as soon as it’s close to boiling (the point at which the liquid can curdle), and rapidly cooled over a bowl of iced water. Eagle-eyed readers will notice the tiny specs of vanilla in the picture below.

Crème Anglaise

Crème Anglaise

Gingerly – I’m not sure why, perhaps I expect some kind of unholy fusion – I pour in the medicine. Nothing happens. No chemical reaction. No-one dies.

Pouring the Pepto

Pouring the Pepto

Stirring the ingredients together, however, does reveal a serious problem. The passionate Pepto pink has diminished somewhat, leaving behind a more anaemic imitation.

Pepto Anglais

Pepto Anglais

Thankfully, help is at hand. In the far reaches of the blogjam pantry I’m able to score an ancient bottle of scarlet food dye, and add a capful to the brew.

Dyed Anglais

Dyed Anglais

Finally, I pour the compound into my trusty Panasonic Ice Cream Maker, light the blue touch paper, and retire.

While I’m waiting for the mixture to freeze, I revisit the Pepto-Bismol website, where a glance at the FAQ section reveals a previously unheralded paragraph:

Some people feel refrigerating makes the dose more pleasing to take, and that’s OK. However, you shouldn’t freeze the product.

Whoa! Waddya mean no freezing? I’ve just made ice-cream! I need to clarify the situation immediately, and write back to Proctor & Gamble.

I’ve just noticed that the FAQ on the Pepto-Bismol website says that while refrigerating the product is OK, one shouldn’t freeze it. Can you shed any light on why this might be?

This time, Penny responds.

We do not have any information about freezing Pepto-Bismol….we can only stress that as a controlled medicine it should only be used as directed on the bottle.

Kind regards,

Penny

Consumer Relations

What a quandary! Obviously the girls can’t endorse my ice-cream adventure, but they won’t give me any clues as to why it’s a bad idea either. Penny doesn’t have this information to hand, but P&G must have tested the theory, otherwise the warning on the website wouldn’t be there. What to do?

Eat it, of course! In my book, food without danger is like sex with a condom: it goes in the same entrance, but the experience is altogether less thrilling, less memorable, indeed less satisfying. I fetch the ice cream from the freezer, scoop out a chunk, and admire its pinky goodness.

Pepto Bismol Ice Cream

Pepto Bismol Ice Cream

The taste? Actually, it’s quite nice. The vanilla and sugar temper the metallic bitterness of the medicine, giving the end result a flavour not too dissimilar to black cherry. And as a hangover cure? Initial studies are encouraging, with no negative side-effects experienced as yet. A mild mid-week drinking session provided the first test, and while my cross-breed concoction certainly didn’t eliminate the suffering altogether, the benefits did not go unnoticed.

Obviously, if I’m to suggest to P&G that they approach Ben & Jerry’s to produce a commercial version, there will have to be proper clinical trials, with control groups and placebos and suchlike, but I’m hopeful. It’ll sit nicely on the shelves next to my paracetamol bacon roll.

Small-print: As as a controlled medicine, Pepto-Bismol should only be used as directed on the bottle. If in doubt, consult your pharmacist.

Posted: January 1st, 2008 by
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Must See Shit
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Kat Path’s Hangover Remedy

Listen to your body it all depend how bad you are, what you drank and how much. First if you are felling nausea don’t hold it back with pills since you will probably simply delay the inevitable and waste all the pills and will have to start all over again. Also it will normally just speed up the recovery process by getting the rest of the alcohol out of your body.

Drink Gastrolite or Pedialite, a drink with balanced electrolytes and can be purchased in any pharmacy normally used to help recover from a gastro. Drink slowly as not to overwhelm your stomach. Drink warm water no cold water especially if you are all sweaty since your stomach will contract too fast and you will end up with worst abdominal pains or spasms that can make you throw up.

Take one or two Advil if you have a headache. No Aspirin or Tylenol.

If you have diarrhea or if you throw up, Pepto Bismol will be a good choice to help your digestive system recover.

Once you are feeling a bit better you can go on solid food. My favorite is toast with maple syrup. Well pretty much the same food as if you had a gastro.

Posted: January 1st, 2008 by
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