What exactly is Khan Noonien Singh doing in Hustler’s new Star Trek porn movie? And what role does Sasha Grey play? We talked to screenwriter Roger Krypton.

It sounds as though This Ain’t Star Trek XXX will follow the storyline of “Space Seed,” the classic episode which introduced Ricardo Montalban’s Khan. At least somewhat. (Since there have already been porno recreations of “Charley X,” “The Man Trap” and “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” this isn’t quite so surprising.)

The Enterprise finds a ship that’s been floating in space for 200 years, and on board is Khan, in suspended animation. But with him are two sexy alien women — for obvious reasons. And judging from the photo up top, Lieutenant Marla McGivers plays a big role in the story as well, as the woman whom Khan tries to seduce. Khan, coming from an earlier time, is more barbaric, more macho and more “bare-chested” than the civilized Kirk, and he decides to try and take over the Enterprise.

And this is where the story diverges from “Space Seed” considerably.

According to Krypton, “Khan’s method of trying to take over the ship leads to the crewmembers having to engage in sexual situations against their will.” He wouldn’t go into details about this, but check out this work-safe clip of something weird happening to Kirk’s eyes:

Perhaps as a result of Khan’s machinations, Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy is forced to have sex with Nurse Christine Chapel, or they’ll both die. “They have a reason where they pretty much have to have sex, it’s a life or death situation,” explains Krypton. (Sadly, Spock doesn’t hook up with Chapel, despite all of the longing glances she gave him throughout the series.) And the film climaxes (so to speak) with a threesome on the Bridge of the Enterprise, between Kirk, Spock and Uhura. Take that, “Plato’s Stepchildren!”

Krypton, obviously a huge Trek nerd, insists that even though Hustler’s porn spoof is over the top and silly, it respects the original show, and tries to convey how these characters would really act in this situation. After all, the original show was quite campy at times, so it’s not that much of a leap. But the movie goes to some lengths to be true to the characters and their history, says Krypton.

There are no green women in the movie, because “putting someone in full body paint is a nightmare in a adult porn video,” says Krypton. It’s almost impossible to avoid having the body paint rub off on the other actor during a sex scene, and there are certain body parts that people might not want to paint green. Hustler did have a green woman in its Munsters porno spoof, and they solved the problem of paint rubbing off on the costar by color-correcting the image afterwards. (The color-correction gave the scene a cartoony look, which worked better for the Munsters than for Star Trek.)

But as we mentioned, there will be two alien babes. One, played by Jenna Hayes, is human-looking apart from her slinky Barbarella-esque outfit. The other is a Vulcan, played by Steven Soderbergh actress Sasha Grey. Grey’s character is struck with a “rare form” of Pon Farr, the Vulcan mating drive, and has to have sex with Captain Kirk in the Transporter Room — she just has to. And for Kirk, this is an opportunity to work out his issues with Vulcans after years of being frustrated with Mr. Spock. He can finally have sex with a Vulcan, but he finds that his frustrations with Vulcan logic persist even during their hookup.

Oh, and Mr. Spock doesn’t have green sperm in this film, unlike in some of the other porn films.

But the answer to the question you’re most anxiously asking — does Kirk look up and scream “Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” during this film — is yes. He does. And Khan also yells “Kiiiiiiiiirk!” back. By the way, Evan Stone, who plays Kirk, doesn’t consciously do a William Shatner impression. But Stone, according to Krypton, already sounds like Shatner most of the time. He has a “cadence and a dramatic flair” that are quite Shatner-esque. He may ramp it up a bit for this film, but he doesn’t need much to seem Shatnerian.

Krypton is very proud of the high production values in this Trek spoof, which he says stand “head and shoulders” above what’s been done before. (You can see for yourself, with the pics and clip above.) Hustler spent a lot of money on the sets and costumes, trying to make it look as cool as possible, as well as “colorful and fun.” Find out more at Hustler World.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Kim Kardashian is taking legal action against Hustler Entertainment for its porn parody Keeping it up for the KardASSians. The XXX spoof is a parody of the Kardashian family’s television reality show and shows the Kardashian family in all sorts of compromising positions.

The whole family appears in the porn parody version and Hustler has done a good job casting adult entertainment stars that resemble the actual Kardashians. Both the show’s graphics and theme music are also similar. There are reports that E! is also considering legal action because the “whistly theme song” in the porno sounds awfully similar to the one in the show.

Kim Kardashian previously took legal action against the distributors of her leaked sex tape, titled Kim Kardashian Superstar, in 2007.

Keeping It Up for the KardASSians

I’m not sure if this clip is part the Japanese Orgy DVD but it’s still really nice.

You can join Hustler’s Asian Fever website to get the whole movie.

World Record in Japan: Largest Orgy

Japan has successfully set a new world record. Having 250 men and 250 women who commensed to have sex in the same place at the same time, completing the world biggest orgy ever!

The Orgy was held in a warehouse with a professional camera crew taking pictures and recording the entire event, which was pretty hot and sticky.

Imagine what it must be like to come stumbling across a room filled with 500 people having oral sex and screwing their brains out. Not to bad a way to end your day huh?

It all seemed a little too organized for our personally liking but leave it to the Japanese to accomplish a goal. Especially if it had anything to do with naked women and sex.

The entire event was actually filmed and available for purchase on DVD. Here is a picture of the cover:

You can join Hustler’s Asian Fever website to get the whole movie.

Britney's Stolen Panties

Britney tries to wear panties… And that got her soo mad she stole a wig.

UsWeekly claims Britney Spears stole a wig and stripped down in the middle of the Hustler store in West Hollywood to try on panties on November 18th at 1am. A witness said Brit wanted to try on several panties, but they wouldn’t let her.

Brit took matters into her own ass and changed in the middle of the store in front of 15 people. She tried on boy shorts with the word “Barely Legal” stitched on the back.

A source said, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.” She also started to walk out with merchandise, but the staff told her she had to pay. She rolled her eyes and handed them a credit card.

On her way out Britney snatched a wig from one of the mannequins and ran off.

If she’s going to steal wigs can she please steal them from joints that have high quality wigs. I’m sick of seeing her skanky ass rat’s nest.

Oh and I’m just letting you know don’t ever buy undies from the Hustler store in West Hollywood. There’s a good chance Brit’s puss juice is all over em. Nast.