So you’ve been talking to this hot young lady that you met on MySpace, Facebook, Friendster or one of the many other social networking or dating sites that are available online and you believe you have come to a point that you are ready to meet her. You get along great and have awesome conversations over the phone and on instant messenger. You listen to the same bands and have similar interests, irks, aspirations, and idiosyncrasies. In short, it really seems like you are falling for this girl.

And her pictures. “Wow” is all you can say every time that you look at them. The way that her hair falls over her shoulder as she gives you that sultry-but-oh-so-innocent look in the photo that she sent you which drives you wild. You can hardly believe that you have found a creature that is so beautiful, yet so deep and really into your interests as well. You’ve even caught yourself feeling a little sorry that you previously held the misconception that all girls that look this great are vapid and stuck up. But now you know better and you thank the internet and your computer every day while you have endless conversations with her while staring at her photo that you have now plastered onto your desktop.

You know she’s hot. You’ve shown her picture to your friends and they think she’s hot. And now you’re ready to meet her. But are you prepared for what you may actually find?

Well, let this serve as a warning to you because you may have just fallen victim to the dreaded, “MySpace Angles.”

The MySpace Angles phenomenon isn’t one that is new but is a growing concern for men, young and old, across the globe. Photography-savvy young ladies are utilizing crafty camera angles and even photo software to weave a type of black magic onto their likenesses that would rival even the most forgiving Glamour Shots photographers of the old days. These crafty ladies will bend and conform themselves precariously to just the right position to hide those multiple chins, unsightly bulges, and possibly even hooves in the attempt to rope in unsuspecting victims across the World Wide Web.

MySpace Angle

Cold, Harsh Reality

You may tell yourself that by being diligent about asking for multiple photos you are being an alarmist and maybe even paranoid. Additionally, the fact that this phenomenon exists may even appear to be mean-spirited and just plain wrong. However, we ask you while presenting this evidence to you today: Just who is at fault here? Should you feel guilty for ensuring that the package you are presented is the package you should expect? Or are you just going to hold out until the bitter end and hope for the best?

MySpace Angle Super Cutie

Larger-than-expected Dinner Date Bill

Asian Honey + Glasses = Smart and Sexy!

You’re gonna need more sake to be able to seal this deal!

Trippy little cutie that is sure to be a blast to hang out with

In reality, “little” doesn’t quite describe the trip you’re going on

A veritable Goddess at this angle

But the light of day suggests otherwise

This princess has a heart of gold and the face of an angel

But take away the soft-lighting effects of photo-editing software and another creature emerges

This is a quirky little hottie that can hang out with the guys and still be cute

Well, she can hang out with the guys, anyway. And probably drink them all under the table, to boot

The emo girl of your dreams

Or maybe your worst nightmare

And finally, one late night you asked your beauty for some boob shots

And you GOT ‘EM!

Taking a cue from Shallow Hal, love may be blind and beauty may only be skin deep but a façade of smoke and mirrors is no way to begin a relationship and if the lovely lady of your online dreams isn’t truthful with you about herself upfront, can you be so sure you can trust her down the road?

Consider this as a public service announcement to all the would-be e-Romeos out there that are trolling the social sites looking for love: watch out, because you may be biting off more than you can chew!

Posted: January 5th, 2008 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Must See Shit
With Tags: beauties, boobs, dating sites, emo, facebook, girls, girls of myspace, love, myspace, pictures, sexy, sexy girl, social networking
Share On: Trackback Comments (0)

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

Posted: December 12th, 2007 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Laugh Your Ass Off
With Tags: bitch, boyfriend, girlfriend, girls, jewelry, love, men and women, sex, shopping, venus and mars, wedding, women
Share On: Trackback Comments (0)