As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from a world renowned scientific journal (SPY Magazine January, 1990), I am pleased to present the results of the first truly scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

Posted: December 3rd, 2006 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Fucking Tastic Stories, Must See Shit
With Tags: child, children toy, christmas, christmas eve, flying reindeer, millions, reindeer, santa, santa claus, scientific, speed of sound, spy magazine
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Osama Bin Laden

I found that weird that no one is asking where the fuck is Bin Laden anymore. Is he not the #1 on the american most wanted list? American have satellites all over the world, they have captures hundred of peoples, offered 25 millions dollars and the CIA, FBI and all others 3 letters govermental organisations are after Al Qaeda operatives and investigating their moves. But still they don’t know where Ben Laden is?? I think they know, at least I think I know.

If you look at all videos of Al Qaeda you find that Osama Bin Laden use to wear military uniforms and have guns all around him. It used to be their trademarks. It still true except for normal Al Qaeda members and followers but not for Bin Laden and Ayman Al Zawahiri. For at least a year or two they don’t wear anymore army jackets and their is no more weapons at their side. That is really weird don’t you think? Why did they changed their outfits and military links?

I have an explanation for that, their are somewhere where they can’t dress with military uniform and can’t wear weapons. The most likely place is Mecca. Yes Mecca, it’s the kind of place where they won’t tolerate weapons, their is so much peoples there they can easily go un-noticed and give orders without being bothered and watched by American. The American won’t make any military action against Mecca eitheir. That is the saffest place on earth for Osama in fact I can’t think of any other place where American won’t go get him. That would also explain why they don’t look for him anymore and why they don’t tell the public about it.

Their is a good list of Bin Laden’s Speeches and Videos or simply search the site for his videos.

Now, where is my 25 millions?

Posted: September 9th, 2006 by Kat Path
Filled Under: What Grinds My Gears
With Tags: al qaeda, ayman al zawahiri, cia, douchebags, fbi, mecca, military uniforms, million, millions, osama bin laden, satellites, weapons
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Paris Hilton the Hilton’s heir brat. She is not good looking (but she think she is), she is blonde (and stupid) she dated every possible young single multi-millions fortune heir she could find (preferably greek) and made lame sex videos with her then-boyfriend Rick Salomon.

The tape was leaked onto the Internet shortly after The Simple Life debuted. Then in 2004 it was released as a DVD titled 1 Night in Paris. This is the 36 minutes that was released on the Internet and by watching it we could learned one really important thing about Paris… She is terrible in bed. She don’t know how to SUCK and FUCK.

Please Paris, look at porno to learn how to do it but don’t make any other sex tape. Please!

Posted: May 27th, 2006 by Kat Path
Filled Under: Internet is 4 Porn, Must See Shit, NSFW - Not Safe For Work, Sex Tape
With Tags: adult, blonde, CELEBRITIES, celebrity, fuck, fucking, millions, paris hilton, porno, rick salomon, sex, Sex Tape, sexy girl, stupid, stupidity, suck, tits
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